“Dear Mom, I love you with all my heart. I just wasn’t meant for this world! I hope I can find a place of peace and happiness, a place I am child enough to live, yet man enough to survive. I love you! I hope you can truly believe me. Maybe on my journey I’ll find Jesus. Pray for me mom. Pray I will find happiness. I hurt so bad inside! I want it all to go away. I want a new beginning. I am not afraid to die mom. I’m just so afraid of tomorrow!
To all my friends and loved ones, I ask of you one last favor: don’t let my spirit die. Remember me for the laughs and the good times, the thrills we all had together. I hope I made a place in all your hearts and touched each and every one of you in a special way. I have chosen to die, but I haven’t chosen to be forgotten. I must find a new world, a world of peace and happiness. I want you all to know I am not afraid to die, only to quit living. I’ll miss you.”
“The survival of the fittest. Adios Unfit.”
“I’m going to put myself to sleep now for a bit longer than usual. Call the time eternity.”
“I have no family and no friends, very little food, no viable job and very poor future prospects. I have therefore decided that there is no further point in continuing my life. It is my intention to drive to a secluded area, near my home, feed the car exhaust into the car, take some sleeping pills and use the remaining gas in the car to end my life.”
“I’m not sure why I’m writing this. I went online to look up information on suicide: statistics, methods and all that stuff. I was raised in a family where I went to church every Sunday and was taught the importance of faith and God in our lives. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t help me. I got hurt… bad… when I was a child. I was hurt in a way that no person, no little child should be hurt. I think about suicide on a daily basis… sometimes it’s all that I can think about. I’ve been hospitalized for attempts before. I’ve been put on medications to help the depression… the mental disorders that doctors are so quick to diagnose. I’m sick of it all. Why should I bother trying anymore? I’m not even afraid of dying. I’m not afraid of pain. I just want to leave this world. Please pray for me. I’m tired of trying.”
“Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool – good luck.”
“I have a feeling I shall go mad. I cannot go on longer in these terrible times. I shan’t recover this time. I hear voices and cannot concentrate on my work. I have fought against it but cannot fight any longer.”
“I must end it. There’s no hope left. I’ll be at peace.”
“If I can’t see my daughter here, I will see her from above…”
“I’m trying to watch TV but I don’t know what I’m watching. It’s so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won’t come. I’m so tired of hurting and being a lone. I keep thinking about the pills in the cabinet but I’m scared. My head hurts so much from crying but if I take anything for it I’m scared I won’t stop and I would want to stop.”
“I don’t have any choice in the matter. To make everything better I have to die. I can’t make it right by living. I’m so scared I want out but oh I don’t know.”
“I’m so cold, please do something. I can’t stand this empty feeling that I’m having. My head is horrible. Stop the pounding it hurts so much. I have no control over anything in my life. I’m breaking into pieces. Somebody do something.”
“What is a few short years to live in hell. That is all I get around here. No more I will pay the bills. No more I will drive the car. No more I will wash, iron & mend any clothes. No more I will have to eat the leftover articles that was cooked the day before. This is no way to live. Either is it any way to die. Her grub I can not eat. At night I can not sleep. I married the wrong nag-nag-nag and I lost my life.”
“My kisses burn into your soul,
My touch melts upon your skin,
My eyes reflect my misery
Of the darkness deep within,
I am a waste of time,
So now I shall die.”
“The time has come for me to move on. I don’t come to this decision lightly, however, but now that I’m older, I’ve finally realized that there’s a world of difference between living happily ever after and just living ever after. I may seem strong. But I’m not I’m just like anyone else. We can feel pain. We can die. And I won’t be the one to destroy anyone else’s hopes and dreams. Never again.
“I’m sacrificing myself to save the countless many who would have to die if I were to live. It’s a noble cause, I figure. A good reason to die. I like to think you’d agree.”
“So that’s it. That’s me. Leaving the world to be a better place.”
“I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier ’til this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been.”
“To my friends: my work is done. Why wait?”
“When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one.”
“”Football season Is over. No more games. No more bombs. No more walking. No more fun. No more swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No fun for anybody. 67. You are getting greedy. Act your old age. Relax, this won’t hurt.”
“Goodbye, my friend, goodbye
My love, you are in my heart.
It was preordained we should part
And be reunited by and by.
Goodbye: no handshake to endure.
Let’s have no sadness — furrowed brow.
There’s nothing new in dying now
Though living is no newer.”
“All fled–all done, so lift me on the pyre;
The feast is over, and the lamps expire.”
“Absolutely no reason except I have a toothache.”
There are so many beautiful things i want to stay around for but it’s getting to the point that they aren’t enough anymore
sometimes i feel like laughing freely with my best friend or the beauty of a really good song or the feeling that comes with playing my viola or the feeling of reuniting a dog with their owner that they haven’t seen in two weeks or the feeling of silky sheets on my skin or how much i love how curly my hair gets or the good memories of my life are enough for me but it’s not
It’s not enough anymore
I am not enough for myself
I am not enough
I am skin and bones and muscles and veins and blood and feelings and thoughts and ideas but it is not enough to make me human and i am undeserving of this planet and the love it can give and the beauty of the ocean or the wind in my hair when my windows down in a car ride and as much as i love my dog and my cat and my friends and my family and my room and watercolors and cheese hot dogs and music and soft blankets and crunchy leaves and smiles and people in soft moments and milkshakes and riding the public bus at noon and the sun peaking through tree branches and clouds and trees and the smell of pine trees and paint and my mom’s cooking and how soft kitten fur is and how cute puppy paws are and answering the phone and singing in the shower and petting stray cats and grocery shopping and finding new music and the color of my own eyes and the color of brown eyes in the sun and the good moments with my family and drawing and writing and telling people i love them just
Isn’t enough
I love so many many many aspects of being alive but i associate so many negative things with myself and selfishness and my stupidity and ignorance and femininity and low masculinity that when i hear my own voice over the phone it makes it less fun to go work and talk to people and when i see how my feet look so weird when i walk it takes away from the happiness of my favorite green converse and how all of my friends are better friends with other people and forget me so easily when im not always in their face takes away from how beautiful they are and how much i love to be around them
I have so many words pent up that i know if someone like me heard them it would help them feel better but that’s not enough to make me want to stay alive and speak for other people and it makes me feel so selfish and mean and dumb that i know i could offer certain things to certain people but i still cant bring myself to genuinely believe that anyone other than my cat or the happy version of myself knows me well enough to know me well and still love me and want to talk to me and hear me live
So many horrible things have happened this year and in this life and i am not strong enough
And as i write this i realize how long it’s taken me to find the words and i can feel my lungs hurt and my eyes are blurry and hurt and i am tired of putting myself in dangerous situations just to feel alive and real and I’ve spent so much time trying to convince myself that my heart is beating because i am alive and real and human and sometimes when i can hear it beating and i have my fingers on my neck to check i get a glimpse of what it’s like to remember what it feels to be alive
But it’s not enough
And i am not enough for myself or my dreams or my wishes or goals or my life’s greatest loves or my family or my friends or my teacher’s expectations but mainly myself because i am sad and sick in my head but
Oh god how i love the feeling of climbing into bed after a long day and getting comfortable and oh god do i love hearing about what makes my friends happy but they don’t tell me anymore and everytime i think someone’s starting a conversation with me just to talk they end up needing something and that’s the only reason why people like me anymore
Oh god i love singing and dancing and swimming and cracking my wrists and knuckles and the smell of freshly cut grass or hot water running down my head in the shower or getting caught in the rain and my room and records and my rats noises at night i cant sleep without them and oh god i love my grandparents and the awkwardness of my family and i miss my aunt and her voice and my steven and my stevens voice and oh god i love videos of dogs smiling and going into work and seeing all these animals that know me and get excited to see me everytime im there i love talking to my customers and my coworkers and the quiet and peace of being the only one home and the color of my watch oh god i love the cool side of the pillow and the way tendons look in hands when you move them and i love the mountain air and snow and freezing toes and nail polish and the big holes in my ears i love the stickers in my laptop and laughing at stupid jokes and reading and falling in love with characters in books and movies and short films even though it’s only for a moment i love poetry and birds and drawing birds and drawing eyes and hands and lips and i love kissing people and holding hands and going on boat rides and the thrill of speeding cars and i love my favorite jacket and strawberry field tic tacs and sleeping in and waking up to the smell of breakfast and hearing people talk about their passions and watching their faces light up and oh oh god i love life i do
I really do
But that’s not enough to blank out all of the bad things ive done to myself and other people and all of the bad things people have done to me and other people and as much as i love life and as many reasons i have to wait and as many things i have to look forward to and hope for i am just so tired
It is not enough
It is not enough for me
I am not enough
I am not enough for me
And i am not enough to be deserving of all the beautiful things in my life that are things to love and hope for and enjoy and stick around for
i really hope ur doing better and as i was reading it was like if someone was writing my own life and i related to so many things in this letter, im really in that part of my life where i feel the exact way and i just hope i can get better because i dont deserve this at such a young age of mine but i hope god has plans for me , and i wish i could help people like us and i wish you all the best
This is 4 years later, so I probably won’t get a response as Elliot is either gone, or hopefully still there and forgot about this forum. I want to say to EVERYONE reading this right now, you know how you came to this page. I am 22. I have been suicidal since middle school, but one day I woke up and found that my oldest brother killed himself.
It has fucking destroyed me, aside from the trauma I’ve had over the years. I know that probably doesn’t mean much but all of these memories you’ve lived, good and bad, regardless of your age, please please find a reason to stay. It could be because grilled cheese is fucking amazing. Stay for your dog. Stay for your favorite character. I heard that in the afterlife, the movies suck. Stay so you can listen to your favorite band. Things are rough. I can’t ever promise they get easier, but it becomes more livable when you do find a group of loving friends, when you do find a partner that isn’t toxic, but these things take time, for everyone. I understand your reasons, but please please know that whatever you believe in, you WILL effect the people around you. Every fucking day I have though about August 2015, I have thought about my brother. I have nightmares about my own suicidal tendencies. But I started therapy and medication. I found a group of people that accept me and fuck man, it’s made a world of difference. I hope, no I know you can find yours too. please, just stay around a little longer <3
Helium with a suicide bag is a good way to go. I believe as society evolves the right to die and assisted suicide will become acceptable. Noone consented to be here and so many people would suffer less if only we were kind enough to grant the ultimate courtesy.
Suffering Souls – I LOVE YOU, ALL! If I could I’d heal your wounds and lessen the pains – since I can’t I’ll talk to The One, The Knower of all hidden things, The Creator of all!!!
thanks. really. talking to him is all i can ask for. God go with you
I am ending my life soon. I am 46, gay, and over everything. I am not famous rich or powerful. The world is angry and on fire. I cannot wait to leave every “phone / instragram / youtube fame obsessed asshole in this world behind. The world is a travesty now, and we are at the point of no return. Fuck this shit hole. Fuck you and fuck me LOL..
I hope you didn’t do it and you found meaning but I also live in the real world and know there are just as many sad endings as there are good.
to all those hurting/contemplating suicide, know that you can turn today to Jesus Christ, pray to Him now for hope and a new start! Life without God is meaningless. 1 Peter 5:7 ‘Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.’
i love that verse. also psalm 23 ‘even though i walk in the valley of the shadow of death’ means SO much to me.
Just don’t do it man, try to live your own life. Stay strong, you have so many to lose..
54 years old. my kids already live their lives like i am already gone. i do not have a single friend. i am married, but tired of the man i am married to. tired of him trying to “fix” me. i just don’t see the point of lingering, for what? to grow older, to be reminded daily that i am insignificant, to be a burden, to continue in the misery. I have nothing to look forward to. the best is behind me. so i see no point in just waiting for the inevitable.
This is me, as if I wrote this myself.
Maybe an INFP & ENFJ ? (myers briggs, personality types) sounds similar to that dynamic. It might offer some insight and comfort.♡
Thank you for lightened up my dark-hour♥️?
I attempt to but i failed. I tried so hard to be loved. But everytime i do my best they took my work. Always tell me that i am nothing. Cause i am not beautiful. I want to ask them did god gave options for my face?? Is it my fault if i am naturally this way. I have no true friends. In school every single person just laugh on me. My mother never loved me as much as she love my other 2 sister…she always remind me I am a trash. My elder sister call me bastard. My father say that trusting me was a big mistake. But i never got trust to break it. They tell me I have no future. My grandfather , uncles,aunties said that I am a big burden on my mother. My mother said that she prays no one have a daughter like me. But i have 0 faults. Cause they told me to stay away so I only have/ had storeroom. They all say that i am good but my face is a grave problem. They never invite me on occasions ..no ask me if i am fine….the one I loved I couldnt give him my pic because of fear. He casually called me fake made fun of me. Even he knew who I am my face. I never demand something cause I feel I will waste their money time. If I tell them I feel sick of same shit. They say I have to tolerate with them Coz I born for them.i don’t have any hope.i am depressed. I was in class 4 when I first tried to end my life. I am in so much pain. I wanted to be loved…just loved I need no money nothing just a lil bit of happiness would do…my whole family says tgey are ashamed to have a member like me. I really want die as soon as possible. I was physically harmed by my grandfather ,cousins….I have all problem one could have in their life.
I love My lil sister. I feel like a guardian. I promised myself that I will never let her face the same things as me. She have many person and my mom to save her. But i still want to live on and hope that maybe one day I will be able to save her or someone from any disaster. I cant end my life cause it’s a sin…I can’t end my life cause it’s a one time opportunity to live on this lovely horrible world. I don’t fear death but I fear to give up my only chance. Yeah!! It’s too hard to breathe my heart hurts all the time i am in so much pain that I bite my leg and hand to endure it. I am addicted to nothing but death. But still I choose to live cause I fall in love with my misery. So please don’t end your life…I also feel empty…solitude is only thing I have…you can say everything…But I will live on…so please keep live on your precious life..?
Hello. Are you still there? You are enough.
Please don’t. Talk to me. We are all in this together.
You are significant. You are not a burden. You can talk to me. We are all in this together. Things can change, things change all the time, which means there’s always opportunity for improvement. I hope you’re still here
Ahana: Bless your sweet, precious heart. I wish so much that I can help you. Life is incredibly difficult but please stay strong. Sometimes the only person to like you is You. That is okay.
Please don’t go, you can even send me a DM. Please at least talk to me first (my Instagram is @renaissancekatink just please talk to me. Don’t go
“Just don’t do it”… Are you serious right now??? You think I haven’t tried???
All gods are murderers
I’ve been contemplating for a while now but it seems there’s nothing to contemplate anymore. I’m tired of waiting for the clock to run out.
I dont know what to do with my thoughts anymore they just overwhelm me sometimes to where I cant control them I dont wanna hurt myself or anything I am just tired of pretending to be happy I wanna actually be happy for once in my life I feel so empty and cold on the inside and i dont know what is it and it is killing me trying to figure it out because i cant talk to my dad he doesnt understand this kinda stuff he thinks it is all stupid and i can control it but i cant i feel so empty and lost in my own thoughts if anyone has any advise i would really apprechiate it
I am here for the same reason you are. I hope with all my heart and soul you are still on this planet. Please reach out.
im suicidal ,i feel worthless ,alone .My brothers dont evven talk to ,me ..it sucks but i figure if i take my like no body would be worried
today more than any other day is painful. I woke up with a smile but will end this day with tears.
Kalpana. You’re hurting. You can talk to me.
Kalpana you can contact me via email [email protected]
Anyone thinking about committing a suicide can contact me for a chat.
I’m still a teenager but I still want to do it. I’m a closeted bisexual and my parents are very religious. The pain that I felt when we were watching a show that involved an lgbtq character and my mother called him an animal is indescribable. If she knew about my sexuality she would kill me so why not just do it myself. I guess this is goodbye then
Hey anyone thinking about committing suicide please contact me before you do it I’ve thought about it a lot and I think talking* to someone that’s in the same boat as you might make you feel better and hopefully change your mind about committing it email me if you are thinking about committing suicide here’s my email [email protected]
hey, do you need someone to talk to?
i dont know if i can help, but i’m willing to listen…
please dont give up, you matter
Hey Eliot,
Please if you want to talk to somebody email me at [email protected].
I’ll listen to you the best I can. Please don’t give up.
If there is anybody who needs a listener I’m willing to be one for you.
[…] 5. https://russelljohn.net/journal/2008/03/a-collection-of-suicide-notes/ […]
It is because of the madness of this incorrigible faith and the church that I am considering suicide. Please don’t bring this garbage onto here. Allow us to have a safe space here.
i dont even know what this website is. i searched up suicide letters to read because, well, i dont know why. i dont think i would leave one behind if i did it. waste of words.
Go fuck yourself and take your condescending tone of voice and shove it up your ignorant asshole. Life IS hell so what could be worse. It’s a shit hole no matter how you slice it and ‘buck-up and be happy you’re still alive’ is possibly the dumbest response I’ve ever hear. Why are you even here? No really! It’s a site about suicide notes. Not feeling so great yourself? Feeling like google search ‘suicide notes’ just for fun? You feel the need to peach? What?! Don’t preach motherfucker. People are hurting. Be it trauma, mental illness, lack of intelligence, superior intelligence, boredom. Doesn’t matter. Keep your shitty advice to yourself.
dude i totally agree with you. some of these people in the comments have their minds set on dying and there is nothing we can do about it. just leave them alone
Hi am Solomon,19yrs from Kenya amm gay,at this time am planning to kill my self,
Hey man
I just have thoughts of suicide
Just feel unwanted
Hi,
I’m 17 and considering suicide. I wrote my suicide note today. By the end of the day I might be dead. sorry everyone. I just wanted my sad story told.
well i hope ur in a better place where u arent hurting….
[…] https://russelljohn.net/journal/2008/03/a-collection-of-suicide-notes/ […]
TO THE MOST RESPECTED AND BEAUTIFUL INDIVIDUAL WHO BY THE WILL OF A POWER WAS ORDERED TO READ MY COMMENT. I am writing this to YOU with all my good intentions not knowing who you are and where are you from, I am writing this to you who might be planning suicide for whatever reason. I am a 22 years old gay man from Hungary. I come from a family where my mother was constantly drinking, my father was always working abroad and I grew up being surrounded by toxic friendships and cynical behavior that later seemed to define my attachment towards relationships with people of my age. I eventually became codependent whose signs I have never noticed except of having all the HUGE burden that came along with it represented by constant depression and anxiety for the repressed emotions that have accumulated within me for several years. It was more than a year ago that while I was deeply below myself keeping suicidal ideations nobody have noticed the depression I was fighting with which was triggered by a seemingly insignificant affair with a partner who was a very rigorous narcissistic manipulator, and the feelings were further fueled by a boyfriend who was also totally codependent by whom despite I felt being cared of I did not receive the emotional supply I needed as a young gay man plus there was a total confusion regarding my sexuality which resulted a total chaos leaving me without hopes for the future at that time. It sounds rather silly but constantly being invalidated and having no real friends those times were terrible to live through. Though I thought I was an emotional wreck and that there was no hope, by intuition I felt that my healing was coming and IT HAPPENED GRADUALLY BY GETTING SUBMERGED INTO RANDOM PSYCHOLOGY ARTICLES through which I have realized my codependency and lack of personal boundaries that let all the negative energy into my life and the trust in bad people who I was waiting for gratification from and wished they will notice their behavior and the suffering they caused and eventually change. BAD PEOPLE WITH BAD INTENTIONS NEVER CHANGE UNLESS A TRAUMA BREAKS THEM (which is not your job to do anything with dear reader if you are considering. If there is God, He will do the stuff.) I did not notice how much I tried to respect everybody in my life no matter who they were while some by enjoyment were questioning my values regarding love, faith, sexuality, human behavior and everything. When I knew what was the problem I started to change my attitude to react less emotionally to offensive behavior, set up boundaries and at the same time started working out in the school gym which somehow together helped me to gradually grow a sense of being a man which surprisingly resulted me making suddenly a lot of friends who still to this day respect me and care for my values and I care for them without being such a nice but weak man others have previously made fun and use of. It is another story that both of my parents had suicidal ideations and my mother and father have almost killed themselves when they were both young and my cousin and uncle too. Thankfully all of them are on good paths of life. Now I live in a dorm with perfect harmony with myself and the people I surround myself with and experiencing these precious moments in my life I want to express my deepest solidarity with those who have previously or are currently being the victim of a vicious cycle of suicidal thoughts whether they come from personality issues like in my case or anything else… THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE AND YOU HAVE NO REASON TO END YOUR LIFE NO MATTER THE UNDERLYING ISSUE. If you are in a toxic family or relationship, then reflect on the people around you about their toxic behavior, win the game and then leave without a second thought. If you have no friends, be a tough guy, start working out and grow confidence. If you are being bullied in school, set boundaries and tell people to respect you as you respect them and tell about the possible consequences. Do not make threats and negative emotional reactions. Emotions are all vulnerabilities and psychopaths can play with them because they do not have any. Be mindful, listen to your intuition and trust in God. THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE FOR EVERYBODY, DO NOT ATTEMPT SUICIDE FOR ANY REASON. I wish you the best with all my heart no matter who you are. We all have gone through this, with some people experiencing more pain and some less. Best wishes, NV.
IM NOT REALLY SURE IF I HAVE EVER HAD A PURPOSE PEOPLE HAVE BULLY ME SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL I DONT DESERVE TO FEEL THIS WAY IT SUCKS TO KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY MY PARENTS I LOVE THEM YK BUT THEY ARE ONE OF THE MOST REASO NS WHY I HAVE FELT THE NEED TO LEAVE THEY ARE SO
“OVERPROTECTIVE” THEY JUST USE THAT TERM TO MAKE ME TYINK THAT IS COMPLETELY FINE TO DO WHAT THERE DOING WHEN ITS NOT I ASPIRE TO BE SOMEONE ONE DAY. I JUST HOPE I GET TO SAY LONG ENOUGH SO I CAN SHOW MY PARENTS THAT YOU DONT NEED TO HAVE A RELIGION WITH GOD TO HAVE IT ALL I WISH THEY KNEW THE PAIN I GO THROUGH EVERYNIGHT THINKING AND SAYING AWFUL THINGS ABOUT MY SELF HAVING NO FRIENDS BEING STUCK AT HOME ONLY WATCHING TIKTOKS NEVER DOING HOMEWORK DOESNT HELP I WIH THEY KNEW I HOPE I CAN STAY AND IF I DONT. THANKS ASHLEY YOU ARE NICE BEAUTIFUL HEARTED PERSON THANKS FOR STAYING A LITTLE WHILE I LOVE MY 2 LITTLE SISTERS MORE THAN ANYTHING GOT TO STAY FOR THEM IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME THROUGH.
Kudos to these people , it’s sad but in my mind taking your own life takes a lot of bravery! Alan watts describes suicide in great fashion
GRACE, Please don’t go.
You can share your thoughts with me and I will listen. Perhaps that will help us both. I am a dad who lost his only son, Johnny.
Johnny was 14 when he died on October 18, 2018. He was incredibly special to hundreds of people, it’s too long a story to tell it all in a short version. And about 1 year after he died I met a young girl named Grace who was the 11 year old niece of a very close friend of mine.
She had traveled from back east with her mom for family business here in Oregon and I just happened to be working that day at her uncle’s house. She’s adorable and very brilliant, much the way I believe you must be.
She asked lots of questions about Johnny when I met her because her uncle told her all about him and how heartbroken I’ve been ever since he passed. At that time I did not want to live any longer than it would take for me to solve the mystery of his death as it may not have been suicide after all. His cruel stepfather may have had a direct role in why, and how he died.
Grace, please listen to me… I was ready to end my life every since I was a young boy. I’ve always had depression issues. I was certain that this loss was going to push me the rest of the way. But that little girl was the first person to have a conversation with me about him and his death, that didn’t make me feel worse. I love her like family and we bonded like such very quickly.
But a year later her mom reached out to me and told me that Grace was talking about suicide. I was terrified. Her mom asked if she could send Grace to stay with her uncle and asked if I would spend time with her to help turn this situation around. Of course I said yes right away. I had experience as a counselor in a couple of boy’s homes, and I had raised my 2 daughters by myself.
They were many years older than their little brother, about 20+ years but the three of them were extremely close. There’s so much more to tell you and you probably have questions. I hope so because there’s so much I want to ask you. I hope with all of my heart that you are unharmed and willing to speak with me. You see, Grace, or Gracie as I call her, SAVED MY LIFE. I love her as if she were my own. Her mom followed through and sent Gracie to her uncles and I immediately started spending time with her.
It was amazing and I think sharing the rest of the story with you will help you in many ways. I will even introduce both of you to each other because I have a feeling that the two of you will be very good medicine for each other. Please send me a reply so I know that you’re OK. My daughter’s are also very special and I will tell them about you and perhaps all of you girls can get to know each other.
I’m just a dad who raised his kids on my own, lost a son who was precious to everyone, and then found myself taking on a new role much like a godfather to a few select kids. A few of them were my son’s buddies and girlfriends all of whom reached out to me when he died and all of then changed my life in ways I can hardly describe. I can speak for all of us when I say, we would not try to replace your parents, or do their job. I just know that every one of us, in this circle that formed around my son’s death and Gracie’s life, has made all of our lives better.
That empty feeling you spoke of? We all know what that is…. You can contact me through my personal email. I go by Bill and I’m also a music teacher in Portland, Oregon ([email protected]) My daughters are Melissa and Tiffany Hart – You can learn a little about Johnny at this link. Just looking in his eyes you will see something special. Please take care of yourself, I hope and pray you are well….Bye for now… https://www.coosbayareafunerals.com/obituary/Johnathan-Iles
elliot, i don’t know how to make words work but id hug you for a long time if i could right now.i dont know if youre still here .but thankyou. i hope you’re in a better place .i felt so much .reading what u wrote. everything from watercolor to people to dogs to poems to rain to not being enough. id leave this as my note . id make a fort made of blanket, out of your words ,every time i feel cold .
Bro give urself some hope = hold,on,pain,ends being gay isn’t bad it is totally fine
God bless you, NV. I hope you are doing so well and I hope you are fulfilled. “Bad people with bad intentions” as you perfectly said it have brought me to my knees, I cannot relate to masochism or cruelty or lacking empathy but I have finally grasped after so many narcissistic relations that they are not for me to help or understand. Your post was relatable and I have copied your wisdom as a reference and reminder to myself when one of these predators we all live among burdens me again (and they will be they are everywhere and multiplying I think) Much love to U!!
i really hope ur doing better and as i was reading it was like if someone was writing my own life and i related to so many things in this letter, im really in that part of my life where i feel the exact way and i just hope i can get better because i dont deserve this at such a young age of mine but i hope god has plans for me , and i wish i could help people like us and i wish you all the best
hey i know its hardd but please dont go at such a young age like my friend did u have many memories to live
7 minutes to read the whole “collection”? where is an actual collection? Several replies to this are longer than the entire post/”collection”. This sentence alone is longer than several of the “notes”
If anyone ever needs to vent about it my snap is Krazzybayy25 feel free to talk to me any time of the day i currently got out of feeling bad well worst and everyday im pushing myself mentally to do better day by day just being patient with myself and keeping my head high
[…] 5. https://russelljohn.net/journal/2008/03/a-collection-of-suicide-notes/ […]
I don’t even know where to start. I’m 18 years old, when I was 11 years old I fell into depression and began to be suicidal from the age of 13. I attempted suicide twice, once in November 2019 and the second on Thursday, October 14, 2021. I almost attempted last week, but I didn’t because it was my mom’s birthday this week. I’m autistic, so socializing is hard for me and I don’t have friends. I have OCD and one of my obsessions is about death and suicide, so my compulsion for that is investigating about suicide and writing suicide notes (I’ve written in total 29 suicide notes since I was 14 years old). I’m having a digestive problem since last year (don’t worry, it’s treatable and it can be cured) and I had to get out of school this year because I’m currently getting out of the worst and longest depressive episode I’ve ever been into (I didn’t care about my personal hygiene and I was being a mess). Since I was 14 years old I’m on meds and going to therapy, I’m seeing a new psychiatrist since last December.
I no longer feel motivated and I want to die. I can’t stand the pain anymore and I’m desperate. I’m dead inside, the thing is my body is still alive and I just want to end my agony; is it too much to ask? I have failed my parents, always I have felt that I am a burden to my family. I don’t know what to do anymore and I can’t breathe even for my mom. I know I’m too young and I’m just starting my life, but I don’t want to start it. I am afraid that there will be more lows than highs. If I kill myself, I would be doing my family a favor, I don’t deserve everything I have and I feel very alone. That God does not love me and abandoned me. That the truth, it was not one of his plans to create me and
that I was his accident.
I am afraid of losing my loved ones and it is not due to death because that is the law of life, but rather because of something I did or because they don’t accept me as I am. I mean, because of me in the future.
I never should have existed, I’m just rotten meat or a glass that fell countless times, that was shattered and can no longer be repaired. I’m lost, I tried everything. I am tired and my soul no longer gives to fight. I lost all strength before I found more for looking for it while trying to survive as well. They say that the third time is the charm and I am going to ensure that it is so with my death, it is really difficult for me to continue here in this world and I really feel very disappointed, sad and angry that I survived both attempts; I didn’t even lose consciousness.
No one has fully understood me. I know that the only thing that has no solution is death, but what if the only solution is death? If it’s cowardly to kill myself, then well, I’m a coward. I give up. When they say that ¨everything is going to be fine¨, ¨Try to be calm¨, ¨Calm down¨ I get very angry.
I get more and more desperate when they tell me ¨Don’t despair¨ and ¨You have to be patient¨. Not everyone can be saved from a terrorist attack, war or natural disasters. There are always people who get hurt and die. That’s the case with mental health too and I don’t think I’m one of the people who can be saved. I’m trying to face it.
I am planning my death and I will die soon. I will leave 4 suicide notes: One for my family and loved ones, one for my parents, one for my aunt, and one for someone who was my psychologist before.