“Dear Mom, I love you with all my heart. I just wasn’t meant for this world! I hope I can find a place of peace and happiness, a place I am child enough to live, yet man enough to survive. I love you! I hope you can truly believe me. Maybe on my journey I’ll find Jesus. Pray for me mom. Pray I will find happiness. I hurt so bad inside! I want it all to go away. I want a new beginning. I am not afraid to die mom. I’m just so afraid of tomorrow!
To all my friends and loved ones, I ask of you one last favor: don’t let my spirit die. Remember me for the laughs and the good times, the thrills we all had together. I hope I made a place in all your hearts and touched each and every one of you in a special way. I have chosen to die, but I haven’t chosen to be forgotten. I must find a new world, a world of peace and happiness. I want you all to know I am not afraid to die, only to quit living. I’ll miss you.”
“The survival of the fittest. Adios Unfit.”
“I’m going to put myself to sleep now for a bit longer than usual. Call the time eternity.”
“I have no family and no friends, very little food, no viable job and very poor future prospects. I have therefore decided that there is no further point in continuing my life. It is my intention to drive to a secluded area, near my home, feed the car exhaust into the car, take some sleeping pills and use the remaining gas in the car to end my life.”
“I’m not sure why I’m writing this. I went online to look up information on suicide: statistics, methods and all that stuff. I was raised in a family where I went to church every Sunday and was taught the importance of faith and God in our lives. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t help me. I got hurt… bad… when I was a child. I was hurt in a way that no person, no little child should be hurt. I think about suicide on a daily basis… sometimes it’s all that I can think about. I’ve been hospitalized for attempts before. I’ve been put on medications to help the depression… the mental disorders that doctors are so quick to diagnose. I’m sick of it all. Why should I bother trying anymore? I’m not even afraid of dying. I’m not afraid of pain. I just want to leave this world. Please pray for me. I’m tired of trying.”
“Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool – good luck.”
“I have a feeling I shall go mad. I cannot go on longer in these terrible times. I shan’t recover this time. I hear voices and cannot concentrate on my work. I have fought against it but cannot fight any longer.”
“I must end it. There’s no hope left. I’ll be at peace.”
“If I can’t see my daughter here, I will see her from above…”
“I’m trying to watch TV but I don’t know what I’m watching. It’s so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won’t come. I’m so tired of hurting and being a lone. I keep thinking about the pills in the cabinet but I’m scared. My head hurts so much from crying but if I take anything for it I’m scared I won’t stop and I would want to stop.”
“I don’t have any choice in the matter. To make everything better I have to die. I can’t make it right by living. I’m so scared I want out but oh I don’t know.”
“I’m so cold, please do something. I can’t stand this empty feeling that I’m having. My head is horrible. Stop the pounding it hurts so much. I have no control over anything in my life. I’m breaking into pieces. Somebody do something.”
“What is a few short years to live in hell. That is all I get around here. No more I will pay the bills. No more I will drive the car. No more I will wash, iron & mend any clothes. No more I will have to eat the leftover articles that was cooked the day before. This is no way to live. Either is it any way to die. Her grub I can not eat. At night I can not sleep. I married the wrong nag-nag-nag and I lost my life.”
“My kisses burn into your soul,
My touch melts upon your skin,
My eyes reflect my misery
Of the darkness deep within,
I am a waste of time,
So now I shall die.”
“The time has come for me to move on. I don’t come to this decision lightly, however, but now that I’m older, I’ve finally realized that there’s a world of difference between living happily ever after and just living ever after. I may seem strong. But I’m not I’m just like anyone else. We can feel pain. We can die. And I won’t be the one to destroy anyone else’s hopes and dreams. Never again.
“I’m sacrificing myself to save the countless many who would have to die if I were to live. It’s a noble cause, I figure. A good reason to die. I like to think you’d agree.”
“So that’s it. That’s me. Leaving the world to be a better place.”
“I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier ’til this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been.”
“To my friends: my work is done. Why wait?”
“When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one.”
“”Football season Is over. No more games. No more bombs. No more walking. No more fun. No more swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No fun for anybody. 67. You are getting greedy. Act your old age. Relax, this won’t hurt.”
“Goodbye, my friend, goodbye
My love, you are in my heart.
It was preordained we should part
And be reunited by and by.
Goodbye: no handshake to endure.
Let’s have no sadness — furrowed brow.
There’s nothing new in dying now
Though living is no newer.”
“All fled–all done, so lift me on the pyre;
The feast is over, and the lamps expire.”
“Absolutely no reason except I have a toothache.”
I have made plans to end my suffering this summer. I am going to climb a bridge with a gun and shoot myself with my back to the water so that if the bullet doesn’t do the job the fall will.
i don´t think all of you know how it is, or then maybe im the weird one around here.. i just thinks that when you have a boy/girlfriend it makes it all even worse and harder, you get more scared, not because of your own pain, but the pain you give to your loved once, ´cause they are inocence as hell and just wants to help you.. for me thats the worst part, that they try to help me, eventhough it will never help, and i will never be truly happy. i just can´t, it has grown into me, it´s kind of a part of me, it just is and now it´s just even worse, im scared of laughing because i know that one hour later i´ll be crying my face og ready to do it.. so i just try to keep a zombie lokk all day long, i can barely do it.. but efter 7 years og hell then one good year and then hell one year more until now, i just can´t do it anymore.. i´ve been throug an eating disorder, cutting and overdosing.. and no one have ever cared about it except my boyfriend, who is the only who means anything for me.. and that´s the hard part, cause i´ve been let down so many times, so many promises have been broken, and way to many friends have given up on me, so i´m scared of him leaving me, like i´d rather kill my self now, when om happier, than watch him run away, and then kill myself.. he knows i feel this way, but the harder he trys to make me understand that he´ll stay forever, the more confused i just gets, cause i wanna live in that dream with him, but i kwow hat dreams never comes true, so why try, and get yourself hurt so bad? i just hope that someow i´ll get better, and excepts his love truly, but then again i´ll get scared, cause nothing lasts forever, and the pain will always come back, so i´m gonna kill myself when i´m as happy as i can be, cause that´s a truly happy ending, and it´s far better than dying when you´re sad and depressed.. and that´s a part of me, i do have that weird disease, that makes you incredibly happy at one time, and two minutes later you are extremely suicidal, it´s a hell to live with, and i´m tired of holding back my boyfriend, i know he´ll get over me, and find a new girl, but i just wanna help him find the right girl, someone i can except to take my place and will love him just as much as i do, but can offer him so much more.. i´m already working on that part.. you know find some girls on the dancefloor give them a drink, talk with her and if she is okay, then leaves her alone with my man. I´ll be okay, some day near, i´ll be gone, i´ll just make sure he´ll be okay afterwards..
I’m truely relieved to find a page where I can despretley let my feelings out too.
I choose my name UNKNOWN for the sake that that’s what my life evolves around too. I’m a certain somebody who keeps to himself who cries out for help inside but pretend everything’s alrighty on the outside. People either take me as a joke or ignore me. I don’t deserve to feel like a black sheep in my family…my drinking happens to feel out of control. I’m only in my 20s and my life is in darkness. I can’t love or take love seriously. Deep down I just feel like i’m falling into pieces..I always tried to attempt suicide, but I’m afraid. I’m tierd and just want to sleep. For those reading this your not alone. I love u all!
this is mine i hope you moved
i was raped was i was little and im still touched now i try to have a good time but you see i just dont find it i will miss you mommy and daddy but now shall be the end im giving up i guess i failed i wasnt as strong as i was suppose to be you want to see me live a happy life but that just cant happen there is no piont in living anymore so here is my good bye ……
ps suicide dont kill people…
sadness does
I’m 28. I realized what I thought at 19 really was true. Life doesn’t get better. It just gets more unbearable because the lies you were told weren’t real. I still look the same but eventually in time I won’t anymore. I wont even recognize myself in the fucking mirror one day and that kills me.
I will eventually see myself decline as the years go by. All the memories will be gone and a thing of the past. Life is a chore. No matter how great, pretty, smart you are it won’t mean anything and be taken all back once you get old(er). Those titles will be given to someone younger for a brief period of time and the cycle continues. You eventually wont have any dreams of your own. You will have to choose to either keep desperately living them through kids or realize and accept those dreams were never true, just a false hope to keep you going through every pointless day…each day blending in with the last. I’m not interested in being old. I’m already done with this life. All I have to do is finally get the courage to end it all but it will happen.
Im 24, after a fight in a club past october, i fled into my car and drove away when i had a drink, result cops got me, they made it so that i lost my drivers license for 5 years, after just completing my education and finally got my job after so many years of hard work, a job that now i cant perform cos i lost my license, shortly after, goverments comes with fines and courses 4000 euro’s plus the police fine 1000 euro, add to that the debt from my education. i never had parents or anything that helped me out, everthing i ever got and earned i payed for myself, and now im about to lose my house, no job, deep in debts and for what? fleeing away after being chased for nothing? and police even tho you got blood and shit all over your face dont believe you and give you the max punishment? to make matters worse 1 week after losing my job my grandmother died from cancer, she was the last person to understand me and my problems. I broke with my friends after that night cos they were the cause of the fight nd never checked back on me. After i lost my job and license i lended my car to my girlfriend, since i couldnt drive it cos of my license i figured she could drive it, few weeks later she smashed it total loss. I was devastated i put so much work and effort into achieving that only to see it slip away. Soon after my girlfriend left me cos of all these strings of events. Im alone every day all day, ive gone from a partying lifestyle, studying , working, you name it, to sitting inside eating only pizza losing over 15 kg in 2 months of pure stress and sitting thinking of a date and way to die VERY soon, i got no clue like most of you why im typing all this on some random site, but atleast here is no shame. For any1 of you in a similar situation i hope we meet up there in a much better way then here.
After reading through roughly all of these messages, I can truthfully say many of you don’t particularly want to commit suicide. You just want the pain, the despondency, to end. I know what it feels like to want to die, or to simply curl up into a little ball and disappear. I can relate to the emotions that tell you, “You’ll never see the end of this pain, this is your lot in life. Happiness is for everyone else to experience, you’re that 1%.” I know how it feels to alienate everyone because you “wouldn’t want them to see you that way”, or because, “You don’t want to bother anyone with your pain. After all, they wouldn’t understand.” I’m here to tell you that I do understand. Everyone whose read the messages posted on this site can relate to at least one person. Many of you are distraught with where you are in life, or simply because of a set of events or circumstances beyond your control. Most of you would just like someone to talk to. I know this, because I’m there too. If anyone comes across this post, and would like to vent, or simply feels overwhelmed with their life, then please, email me at: [email protected]
I wont judge you, and I wont tell you that everything is going to be OK before I hear your story. I’ll listen to you. Loneliness is a pain that hurts all over. Everyone here understands that. I do too. Please, let me help you.
-Gabriel
John 16: 33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
why people are helping others with ways o f suicide is stupid its not right people should be trying to stop them trying to help them make a happier choice not the choice to die.
I was scammed out of all my money by an Ghanna love scammer. It just shows how broken I am. believing some one i never met would love me. I had depression all of my life and tried to manage it but this situation made it worse. I lost a hell of a lot of money, don’t have a fulltime job and I’ve delveoped aniexty too. i sleep not to think of the pain and when I have to be awake I think of how to kill myself. I done alot of research on how to do it painlessly. for me it’s a matter of time. I have already made the decision and I am looking forward to leaving this miserable world with all it pain, heartache and volience. Some people are not meant to be here and I am one of them. I GOD never created me because now i have the task of vanishing from earth.
anyone whois afraid to do it themselves and wants a partner leave amessage for me here
I’m Carolyn, I’m 14 years old, and reading these may sound kind of weird but I’m suicidal. These letters are amazing and they give me such great inspiration for my future letter, even though some of them are short.
I’ve understood the good and the bad of the world from a young age. I believe it follows a yin yang effect. For every evil act an individual commits they are worthy of just as much good. I tend to straddle the grey line like so many others before me. I never do anything that is so malicious so as to the point of no return, nor do I do anything so good it’s worth taking note of. I’m just trekking along in this seemingly pointless existence in hopes that someday I may return to my father who is in heaven. As of lately I see myself unworthy of doing so. I’m average, no better or worse than any other homo sapien sapien out there. In the simplest sense I am undeserving of being sent anywhere but the furthest depths of hell. Perhaps going through with this thing commonly referred to as suicide I’ll obtain what I deserve, the opposite of my original goal. Although I wish to leave my loved ones with a feeling of closure for I do deeply care for them. They are my rock… or they were before I pulled the trigger.
Dana,
Don’t let your past mistakes define who you are. Rise up each day and work towards improving who you are as a person. The world may not be all “sunshine & rainbows,”that’s true, and you most certainly need not let what others fester within you. You may have had plenty of bad breaks, disappointments, or even some disadvantages; it might have been unfair, but God is fair. Maybe your not religious–and that’s ok; everyone copes differently. The best advice I can give you is this: forget the past. We’ve all made mistakes. Thinking about how you were hurt, who hurt you, and how long it’s been since it happened will only make you relive those memories. Leave what didn’t work out in your rear view mirror. You can’t change the past, but you can change the future. I’ll pray that you find purpose and a stable income.
-Daniel
Sometimes the idea of suicide pops up in my mind. It’s usually when the stress of pleasing everyone consumes me. In an effort to become clear minded again I find myself driving recklessly down a curvy country road. While doing so I am all too aware of what every turn of the wheel does. How if I moved it even an inch too far I’d be crashing head first into the peaceful fast flowing rivers or rocky mountainsides. I would never do so because the odds of me surviving are just too damn high yet I keep the gas pedal pressed as far down as it will go, tempting fate. Hoping that something will go wrong and I’ll perish anyway. Then there are other times when I consider how easy it would be to just suffocate due to the lack of oxygen and excess of carbon dioxide. After all I’d only need a pillow. It’d certainly be less messy than the others but then there is the possibility that I just knock myself unconscious. Thus rendering me unable to complete the job and making my intentions the opposite of consequential. I really shouldn’t be putting so much thought into such a dire subject but I’m getting to the point where I’m too far gone to even give a fuck anymore.
I’m riddled with guilt and depression. Whenever a smile happens to form across my slender face I feel sadness quickly taking its place. I would just “off” myself but can’t help but to let my thoughts wander to those who have somehow managed to interweave their lives with mine. The only thing it would accomplish would be to make them have similar feelings to those that I am now feeling. I would never allow that to happen because I LIVE for other people’s happiness rather than my own. Yet it seems as of late my depression has grown. Perhaps it’s due to the fact that I finally found someone I can spend my life with.
While he seems perfectly sincere in his intentions it all could be a clever deception just like the other boy I fell for. On the other hand I could be messing him up. I push too hard for things that aren’t pure. Hell my intentions aren’t exactly pure. I’m hoping that sex will somehow help me to get off and become less depressed. Logically I know it’s only bound to fuck me up more yet I can’t stop myself. That small glimmer of hope is just enough to make me want sex oh so desperately. Yet my boyfriend being as involved as he is with the church is adamant on saving sex for marriage. Rationally I should just break off things with him in order to spare him the pain of what I have become but I’m too damn selfish and I hate myself for it. He’s so… good and I’m not. I’m worthless and he’s so righteous. As to what he sees in me can’t be the real me. He must have fallen for the façade I put on. For he knew the true me he’d certainly run as fast as he could in the other direction without as much as a backwards glance.
Carla,
This may sound cliché, but you cannot be responsible for other people’s happiness. Although you may be good-natured at heart, there needs to come a time where you say: “ok, I think that it’s about time to set my sights on myself.” In all actuality, Carla, no one person can keep you happy. The same applies to your friends, family and even significant others. No matter how hard you try, you can’t keep them upbeat and confident, nor can you live off the satisfaction that you’ve done some good for another. Its good to be kind, warm and welcoming, but the reality is that you need to see yourself as an equally important person. If something is causing you to feel guilty, understand that it’s not physically in control of your life. The yoke, so to speak, is sitting around your neck; it’s up to you to break it off and move forward. Loneliness will only intensify your suicidal thoughts and depressive state of mind. From what I read, you seem like a very intelligent person—and, you have a good guy standing beside you. You’re not a train wreck. No body is so far gone that they cannot pick up the pieces and start over when ready. If you’d like to talk more, then please, send me an email at [email protected].
Anthropoid,
Deep down, you must know that what you feel isn’t entirely what you’d like to happen. Just because you are not a beacon of light doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re destined to spend eternity in the depths of hell. A popular misconception with society today is that violence is an acceptable staple. As we see shootings and violent occurrences in webpages and newspapers, we believe the notion that “hey, this world is just full of violence and evil. Why should I believe that there’s something out there to live for?” Listen, life isn’t some competition where we never make a mistake, or we never loose faith in humanity or in God. If you’ve done something that you aren’t proud of, shake it off and begin the day anew. It may be hard. You may have so many different thoughts telling you otherwise, or maybe you just feel inadequate because you’re not where you’d like to be in life. The good news is: your life doesn’t have to end that way. If you feel condemned by God because of something that you’ve done, understand that His mercy is bigger than any mistake. I cannot imagine God up in the heavens saying: “On this day, my son is going to do something that is too much for my mercy.” Learn from your mistakes and continue to press forward. You seem like a very level headed and intelligent person. In addition to that, you have people that care deeply for you. If you’d like to talk more, please, do not hesitate to send me an email at [email protected]
To Gabriel:
I read your postings and it is nice that you try to help people but not everyone id meant for this world. people like us have a distored view of the world that is our own and that others like us can only understand. We look at “normal” people and we try to figure out what we are lacking from them. We ask ourselves why the hell would anyone want to live in this world? people like us really don’t get sad when people pass away because we wish we were them. We are attracted to death. i have been suicuidal since a kid and then events in my life, especially in the past 7 seven years have made my situation worse. I have always hated myself and never had a sense of self. I am a stranger in my own body and I know I am in pain and i want it to stop. I have tried hard in life with very little success. Not equipped to make good decsions and certianly not guided in life from parents who were non-loving or caring. I have survived this far on instinct like an animal. So intinctually when animals are sick and they know they are dying they find a queit place and die. Because humans have a higher level of consiouness we have to push ourselves to that instinct. In addtion for me it doesn’t matter where on the tmeline that I die. Wheter i died at brith or I die tomorrow. Living much longer for me is not an option. I believe in God and i also believe that he wouldn’t want me or anyone to be in this much pain and fear.
Dana,
Looking in the “rear view mirror,” so to speak, is the equivalent to replaying the memories of your pain and despondency over again. What exactly do you fear? Sadness, feelings of despondency usually drive us to feel as though our life isn’t worth living. During times of profound sadness we often think, “God doesn’t care about me; if he did, He would do something about my feelings of suicide. I’ve made too many mistakes—I’m too far gone; better to go to sleep and not wake up, than to wake up to another day in this life.” Deep inside each and everyone of us lies the answer to our happiness. Maybe you’re not where you’d like to be in life; a friend betrayed you, a loved one won’t give you the time of day, or maybe you’ve done something you’re not proud of, and that occurrence tells you that it’s suitable to feel inadequate. After all, you’ve made a mistake. Dana, we’ve all made mistakes. No one in life has 100% of everything. If you’re lacking in an area, focus on the fact that you’ve got a lot of other good areas (qualities). If you believe in God, I want you know that He does care. I’m not making light of your hurts and pains; their true meaning and depth is exclusive to each of us. If you’d like to talk more, just send me a message via email.
Sincerely,
Gabriel
Gabreil,
i fear ecactly what I’m feeling now. depression, aniexty and profound loss. The money was a severe setback for me and to compound the problem unemployment say i owe them close to 18,000. I once was a fairly comfortable person in life living with manageable depression and aniexty but now my life has spiraled out of control.
I do believe in GOD and i don’t blame him for any of this. I am here because of the decesions I made. He does care and is helping me through but i have failed myself.
I have made too many mistakes and yes at this point i feel that I am far gone. I at this point can hardly take care of myself. I dont eat well i sleep to escape the pain and i haven’t cleaned my apartment in months.
On top of everything esle i had 2 pets die 6 weeks apart and the third on is now dying. It’s all too much. yes i need professional help but can i afford it NO.
Dana,
Right now you’re surrounded by darkness. It’s hard to see– to imagine light piercing through, given all that’s happened. Thank you for speaking freely about your circumstances. It truly is better to speak to others regarding what you’re going through. One thing that you need to see is that depression, despondency, even suicidal thoughts, will not dissipate. You need to take small steps; assign little goals, and the more you meet them, the greater your confidence will grow. Like I said before, I can’t put myself in your shoes. The gravity of your pain is exclusive to you. I can relate however, with the feelings of despondency. If two of your pets have died, shake it off, and get two more pets. Let them be milestones in your recovery. Transform your apartment into something completely new. Re-arrange the furniture and you’ll soon see and notice a startling change. In regards to the debt, don’t worry about it. Most people have insurmountable school loans, most of which they won’t be able to pay off until they are in their late 40’s. Being successful isn’t determined by how high we jump, but rather by how high bounce back after hitting rock bottom. Change the small things in life; they’ll give way to the larger, more desirable changes later. For what it’s worth, I believe in you.
Thank you for all your thoughts. The only thing i can ask you to do for me is include me in you prayers.
Dana,
I most certainly will. If you ever need someone to talk to, no matter how much time goes by, please do not hesitate to send me a message via e-mail.
Your friend,
Gabriel
Im 16 turning 17 tommorow. Let me tell you my life and pain so far.
When I was in primary,i was a loner people would only talk to me if they need help with their english homework as they are chinese. I have no friends, I was a quite kid. Easily pushed around. I cant fight for myself.I lived a that lonely world for 5 years. I was so happy really happy when I graduated from there.
Then came HighSchool,first year was fooling around. I discovered a neq person.I became funny, sociable.But there are those still those days. Im happy but alowly breaking inside. Im not smart everyone knows that. What kind of 16yrsold doesnt know the multiplication table. I remember when I was a kid i tried suicide a couple of times, hanging, banging my head on the wall, suffocation. Now im in my Senior year(4th year of highschool). I rarely go to school. My dad cheated again. I was actually the first one who knew…but I never told. But I cant seem to hate. It hurts. I say I dont care,but I do. I feel so bad for my little brother, he has to grow up through this. My mom is shit, she blames my dad for everything. Shes hurt,I understand but that doesnt mean she has to drag everyonw down with her. As i said I rarely go to school,now i stopped. I think that school is not for me, my pace is slower than others. I always fail my exams since primary. Ni matter how hard I study, I fail. I live in an apartment building, we have this old guy neighbor in his 40s or 50s. My family trusted him. One day,I went out at night, then i went back home. He suprised me when i was opening the gate in the building. We took the elevator together, he lived in the 4th and I in the 5th. As i want to push the button to the 5th he blocked me, says that we should just go to the same floor… he followed me up the staircase. We started talking. Then he suddenly said he loved me, multiple times. It was digusting, i was trembling inside. I couldnt run away. He ordered me to take a picture of us two… side by side. Close to each other…in one of the pics he leaned his head on my shoulder. After that,he gave me 100$, he says from then on hes gonna give me allowance. Then he kissed me on my upper lip. I felt violated. When i went home i ripped the money to pieces and threw it off the bathroom window. My aunt saw me crying, at first i didnt want to tell but she forced me so I did. My aunt told my older sister and they went to his house,my sister is a lot tougher than me. A lot. She was gonna beat him up. She called the police as I cried in the room trembling with fear, disgust, regret that I shouldve fought. And a month later, we moved our apartment, but that guy was out of jail since the police staion cpuldnt keep him in the cell over night.
Im depressed, I just know that. I dont expect any one to understand since I dont understand myself. I have suicidal thought almost everyday. But something always stops me, the future. I wamt to grow up and not be sad anymore. I want to be really happy. I hate crying every night. I dont go to school anymore. I want to, but I know im gonna repeat. Im a coward. A stupid coward. I told my mom i want to go to Canada with my auny who works there. I want to start anew. I want to live. I hate these sad thoughts. Im mad. I want help, but I dont know how. I want to not be depressed. I dont understand. I told my mom i want help, i told her im depressed but she said its nothing. I want to stop these mad thoughts…
IDontKnow,
Dealing with a difficulty, especially when it’s in a manner such as the one you’re currently dealing with, can be a debilitating experience, as one usually attributes the pain and despondency to the “mistake” they made. Please, understand that you didn’t do anything wrong. You truly didn’t. What’s going on with your family, as well as your encounter with the neighbor is tragic, and, I can’t imagine just what you may be feeling at this point. A fresh start seems like the logical choice in this scenario, however you mustn’t think of it as your one an only alternative. A fresh choice isn’t always associated with a change of scenery; it can be metaphorical, even philosophical. Some lessons in life can only be learned when we’re faced with difficulty. From what I read, you’re not a coward, and you’re certainly not stupid. Your father and mother might’ve made mistakes; that much can be understood, however its important to understand that their mistakes aren’t your mistakes. Your childhood may not be as bright as you wanted it to be, and that’s really unfortunate, as it isn’t something that we can get back.
You may not be able to change what has happened in the past, but you can change your future, as well as your little brother’s future for the better. Don’t believe the thoughts that say: “You’re not as smart as everyone else. It’s too late to change, you’ve made too many mistakes.” The common mistake that many people in life make is trying to pursue the “success” that other people tend to have. If they don’t have the good job, the money, the car, or the intelligence, then they’re down on themselves and soon feel as though they’ll never be as happy as they know they’ll be with those things. Listen, nobody’s perfect. If you have to repeat a grade, then so be it. It may be hard. All the voices may tell you that you’re stupid for doing so. When they come, lean on the thoughts that say, “I may have fallen, things may not have turned out exactly how I’d liked, but I know the day isn’t completely over.” Do it for yourself. Do it for your little brother, and I’m certain that as you move forward with this new attitude, things won’t appear as big as they seem. You took the time to voice your concerns. That took a lot of strength and courage. For what its worth, I’m proud that you took the time to do so. If you ever need to talk further, then please do not hesitate to send me a message.
[email protected]
Gabriel
I’m 26 years old. Sadly, My world is a shadow. It all started from when I was 15. A normal kid with great friends. Grew up as a mentor and someone to give such great advice too. My family in the other hand, was falling into pieces. My father, who had cheated lead to a seperation with my mother. Wich then leaked out to my Uncles and aunts, heard about it and became disgusted with us. We moved, and I’ve been with my mother ever since. Months later my uncle shot himself and situations had gotten worse. My mother had lost her favorite brother, and so for my favorite uncle. My mother was lost. Could not take the guilt or blame for seeming that it was all her fault. I shelted her till this day. We moved house to house trying to start over. Few years later I’m still living with my mother for the sake she does not go mad when she is alone. ( I’m a family of 5 and the middle child).
In 2006, my mother had a wonderful job. Getting back on her own two feet. But then, she fell in love with a man, quit stable, money, and looks. But I was against it, and so was my siblings. She took her word over ours and contiued loving him and got married. In 2010, I was living with her still, working paying my bills, and giving her money. Her husband did not like the fact I was around and argued constantly. One day, he took her money and savings and left. And she happens to be sucked down in darkness once again. My mom cried day and night saying that she will always be alone, and I’m tagging along the ride…
In 2012 he came back, my mother feel in love with him again. We told her the fucken guy was not good! And did not listen. Months after that passed he moved in and was told he was dialated with diabities. He eventually lost his leg and could not work in his condition. She supported him eventually. I hear my mother crying constantly. No money, no compasion, no family, no happyness. I hate it. I’ve been through this so much and can’t let go. I want to be pure. Live on like my brothers and sister did. My future is not beautiful. Why must I live on after all these years? My support for her has pushed away from my schooling, work, and lovelife. I need to awake in a better world.
I’ve been seeing alot of people talking about wanting to commit suicide on here, and I fully agree with them. I mean, I’m only 14 and I have attempted suicide on multiple occasions. I have gotten so close before yet it wasn’t enough. I need to know a quick, painless way to commit suicide. Help anyone?
Many of us are hopeless and wander throughout our small worlds wishing for something better. If there’s something that I can agree to with everyone, it’s that this world isn’t getting any better. We tend to mask our pain with pleasure, but we forget that pleasure is what causes weariness faster and sooner than anything else in this world. Ridicule is no fun, or being bullied. When I was in middle school I was bullied for no reason. I was overweight and on the cusp of childhood diabetes. The back of my neck was dry and crusty, to which other classmates used to yell, “Clean your dirty neck!” i was called a freak and one day one bully stuck a box cutter to my face and threatened to kill me because I told my older the brother the other day that this bully was bothering me. The worst happened in the same year when my very best friend turned on me, spreading rumors about me and just deciding no longer to be friends anymore. He went around the school, many times in front of my face, spreading bold-faced lies about me. This went on for weeks. Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer. At home I asked my parents to come to my bedroom and I just started crying to the point where I couldn’t make any sense of what I was trying to say. They understood my pain. I was so vindictive. I wanted death and destruction for those who bullied me. But my parents didn’t see it that way. We held hands in my room and they began to pray for my bullies. WHAT!!! That’s right, they prayed. About 10 years later I was already graduated from college and in grad school. I was on a computer at a public library killing some time on facebook when I noticed that an old classmate, a bully, tried to request me as a friend. Call me crazy but I accepted the request. He then tried to chat with me so I proceeded to chat with him. The conversation was decent, and somewhat awkward, until he asked a very pointed question. He asks, “Was there anything that I did in the past that hurt you?” I didn’t want to answer the question. I knew that it would bring back old feelings that i had suppressed for 10 years. But even though I wanted to let it go, he didn’t. He insisted I answer the question. So I did, and in great detail as well. I listed all the things he had done against me. He then said this,
“I thought you would remember and I just want to say that I’m sorry. I too was miserable because people were bullying me too. I was so tired of the attention being on me that I wanted to get it out on someone else. So I chose you. I never wanted to lose you as a friend because you were the best friend anyone could have in middle school. Can we be friends again?”
To my utter shock, my mind quickly flashed back to my bedroom with my parents when they prayed for this bully and others. I was raised by Christian parents and am a Christian myself. They prayed for this guy’s salvation. So I decided to share that tidbit with him since he never knew how much I was affected by what he did. He then told me that when he was in college he accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior. Before then he lived a miserable life, never getting over what he did to me in middle school until the day of his salvation.
About 2 years later we both met up after 10 years and decided to take a trip together as a way of finally making peace for all the hardships we both endured. Till this day we are still great friends.
I am aware that this is not the case with many people out there who face bullies on a constant basis. I sympathize with you and my heart goes out to you. Please do not seek to end all or to hurt yourself. What you want is peace and joy, and I can only tell you how I found it. His name is Jesus. He says to come unto me all you who are weary and have laden and I will give you rest. He wants to take are you cares and worries. If you don’t want to talk to your friends or family, then talk to Jesus. Find a place where you can be alone and call his name. Pour your heart out and ask him to save you from the cruelty of others, from your misery, and pain. Believe in Him. You may have heard this before in Sunday school. But Jesus paid the ultimate penulty. He himself had bullies that wanted him dead. So he gave up his life, even for the bullies, so that no one would have to endure such emotional and physical pain. If you believe this then Jesus is the way to joy and peace. Seek him out. I can only speak for myself when I say that he saved me and I am living in peace and joy. My former bully, now my great friend, can say the same thing. I know this was very long, but at least one person reads this to the end and applies what was read, then it was all worth it to post. My prayers are with you all.
Jose
I find strength in reading these. Stay alive till the next day, it might be your best day. Probably not but it can be just a tiny bit better than the day before. Oh, and if you are going to off yourself, best way I can think of is do it in the middle of the ocean so no one really knows what happened.
If you’re reading this…
Congratulations, you’re alive.
If that’s not something to smile about,
then I don’t know what is.the only reason i am writing this comment is to tell you all that life is not a toy!you can not just finish it just because your problems have increased or you think you can not handle it anymore….just whenever a shitty stupid thought comes to you that i have had enough and if i die i will be able to fine PEACE in the afterlife just rmbr that god NEVER loads you with more pain that you can bear…and i know you all must bee thinking that oh this bitch has no idea what i am going through or something that all the usual people think about but you i just wanted to clear the point where people think SUICIDE is the best option and i will surely go to somewhere peaceful after that… rule #1 NEVER SELF PITY EVER! last of all just rmbr that millions of people would give up anything to live! and suicide = hell (the clearest words i had in mind)
Maybe the reason you clicked on this link was to be led on a trail leading to people who know how you feel, who know how dark thoughts can get.
When I feel like it’s the end of the road for me I just listen to
Andrea Gibson- The Madness Vase
PLEASE if you feel that way just give it a listen or search up the lyrics
If you need someone to listen ,
If you need someone who cares,
You’ve got a friend in me 🙂
[email protected]
Good Day
I’ve read most of the above comments and it sadens me. I’m sure you are are wonderful person. Don’t give up! Don’t give anyone the power to control your life. Make your own destiny.
Most books have sad parts before the happy ending. But, you have to go through each chapter. The fact that you have posted your story shows that deep down yuo want help.
I believe in you and your potential. I know you’ve been through bad times and that most people won’t experience that bad you experienced in a year in their whole lifetime. However, this just means that there are only good times ahead of you..
God only tests who he loves. Do you understand me? God loves you. I love you. Suicide is not the answer. You can get up and achieve success. You can prove the those our their that you are better than any thing they through in your face.
If anyone should commit suicide, it should be me. My life has known more pain and suffering than humanely possible. But, I am still alive. Still living. Still fighting, fight with me or let death take you while you are fighting.
I care. I’m willing to listen. I’m willing to help. There are many otters like me. Don’t lose hope. Not now, not ever. You were born because you were tough enough to live this life. Suicide is not the answer. Suicide is never the answer to your problems. Have faith . Things will get better.
If you can’t survive for yourself. Survive for me. I may be on the opposite end of the world but I care about you. Each on of you. I want to see you prosper. Make the world a better place. Do something good. Don’t be remembered as the one who chickened out on life. Don’t me remembered as the loser who was to weak to fight. Don’t be remembered as the loser who based there existence on someone else’s.
Lastly, good luck. I believe in you ,it’s time you believe in yourself
im 11 and several times hav i tried to kill myself i remember once i stabbed myself in the eye with a pencil at school it was bleeding i told everyone it was a papercut i had in my eye 😀 i wanna kill myself i have even tried taking sleeping pills that dont make u sleep and i tried to die of tiredness but my mum used it as she thorght it was hers for her diahrea. anyway onwards nobody likes me this is my suicide note tat i will do before i slit mah wrists 2moz:
Family im the one who chickened out on life not you brother you can be stronger without me mom and step-dad i hope you will pray 4 me pray 4 me that i will be reborn in a life where i dont get beat every-day!
i love all my family even my elderly nan she faced breast cancer and survived it but now she has T4lung cancer which she may die i cant live with that i will be looking down at her from heavan or maybe looking p from hell either way i will be there for anyone in my particular family i will be their guardian angle and look down-or up) at them hopefully i will see Jesus and God on the way i <3 my GF tell her i give her permission to get another BF while im gone hopefully you do not blame me for my own decisions anyway. My Dog Mayzie is the best animal ever shes intelligent smart and a mother of 5 but thats all gone now i love you carry my ashes wherever you like as long as
i like this blog and i understand there are many like me who are struggling in the life..
I questions god many time why this punishment to me of staying alone for 9.5 years and what mistake i have done.
he never responded so decided to go to him directly and ask this questions. at the same also going to request him not to give me one more life.
when i think of my mother, i feel so sad i love her so much and she is my life. recently a beautiful angel came in my life and whenever she hurts me i realized the mistakes what i did in my past and it use to come in front of me.
there is saying that the lamp will burn properly before it is going to stop. same time i realized my mistakes and its time to take out my life.
born on 27th March and going to die on 3rd Aug.
i am sorry to all whom i hurted badly but i love my mother and my girl friend both of them equal to me
I am confused as to why I am only 11 years of age have lots of loving family members and friends but still feel like I need to “leave” because of things I have done but I haven’t done many things wrong so I am realy confused as to why I think these thaughts occasionally. Somebody please try and convince me not to please ? I want to do it but am scared it will hurt.
I have found a way to go peacefully with no pain when you are tired lie Dow and breath in for 3 counts and out for 3 and then imagine you bing in a coma and not coming out for months and finally you die the doctors try to save you but they can’t think of this over and over until you fall asleep and if done correctly it should become reality that’s the wat I’ll go if I decide to
It feels like there are two sides of me the warm fuzzy side who loves life and there’s the dark side who wants do die ??
@Mark I would be your friend. I would be any of your friends.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5DX337IO7A
I cry every day … I fight with myself… I don’t know y i am still living probably the only reason is my mom ..
I’m willing to talk to anyone who needs a friend or to vent and work out their issues. Most of these reasons are sad to die over. Just normal things. A permanent solution to a temporary problem, and its true. Please email me at [email protected]
Some days I really hate the expression, “there’s so much to love for!” That’s the last thing I feel when I’m this low. I’d rather be dead than lost and hurting all of the time.
Hi! Im suicidal too… Im 20 I guess its just normal for us to feel empty at this age… but Im overcoming it.. I pray to God to give me strength to live my life..
We must not trust our feelings and self because it can betray us.. so we must put our trust only to God and his son Jesus… I realize that if I end my life where will I go if hell is real then I will be gnashing my teeth there and it is not a good Idea… so I just decided to be still don’t do anything against myself and just live my life and wait till the day I die… Then maybe there still a good things that will happen to me.. just what the lord say in Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”, how could I believe this well read this Numbers 23:19 “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” I hope this can help.. God bless you guys…
When I read these letters I could understand that there is plenty of people thinking like me,I don’t wanna suicide but I’m really scared about tomorrow.and also I know people who kill themselves will reach in infernal,I ve been struggling for the past three years with different health issues,now I’m alright but some how these years broken my dreams my passions, everything I wanted.
I wanna die normally in ASAP,I’m so desperate about things around me,even I don’t have great friends who I can rely.loneliness isn’t an existence it’s a kinda dead already so I hope some kinda accident will lead me into eternity..I’m eagerly waiting for it.please help me god
this journey I have been on is coming to an end I have no more to give I have read most of the letters on here and I believe that my lost empty soul is done I have given all I can so to my family and friends please remember me for my joy and laughter and not the sorrow that’s been inside me for the last four years the pain inside me is heart wrenching so love to all I believe your lifes will be better with out me around
dude all of you are fucking stupid! they died because they were in pain and the wanted it to stop. stop acting like you care about them because you really don’t. don’t cry the fake tears or nothing go on with your life and let them rest in peace! you don’t feel their pain and you never will get the fuck over it.
you people are a bunch of phonies and it makes me sick you comparing yourself to them.
I see allot of people being both against and for suicide.
What some people don’t seem to realize, that it all boils down to 1 thing and 1 thing only. Choice.
Whether or not someone takes their own life,it is their choice and never someone elses. And everyone around that person should not hate or look down on the choice, but respect it.
Me? I myself am really struggling with the choice.
On one hand i don’t want to die, nor do i want to cause pain and/or suffering to my friends, people that are close to me. I do not want to fail them.
Yet on the other hand, things seem so hopelessly lost, that i can not see a future for myself, no goal, no purpose, nothing.
The reason being, the one thing that i cared about, the one thing that truly made me happy, right down to my core, is lost to me, with no hope of it ever coming back.
And when i think back to the good times, the times that i was happy, i only feel pain and hurt.
Call me a coward, call me whatever you want, but it is so much and has been going on for so long, that it has become unbearable, and suicide seems like the only way out for me.
And yet, i’m still here. Talk about conflicting huh?
I’ve basically ‘lived’ the last year of my life in a null void, rarely working and accomplishing nothing, a literal failure. I’ve fantasized about suicide so much, oh so much, but it would take too much time to explain myself in full detail. The only reason I consider myself to still be here is that I had planned to sort through and finish doing something I once enjoyed, but I lack most of that emotion now, and exist in a cycle of thoughts, why? Thinking about it, it’s as if each day is an extension of my life, so why? I doubt I’d ever actually be able to off myself, but the thought of living this predetermined life is something I can’t fully accept.
I don’t have ties with anyone to keep me grounded, I’m quite certain that I’m a narcissistic psychopath with a string of other possible mental disorders. So what would I gain if I were to per say get help? Thrown on some drugs and possibly labeled with a mental disorder, like I wasn’t isolated enough. Then again, maybe I can’t function properly without a more-restricted lifestyle, hah. I feel nothing for my friends, all my social interactions are done through a different behavior, I think of the ‘secret schizoid’ in regards to my social life. I understand that people may care about me, but I simply can’t sympathize with them.
Meh, not many of these sites allow anonymous posts, I’ve probably only posted a couple times on others like this. Maybe I’ll come back one day to post again once my life gets so much ‘better’
If people started helping each other , there will be no problems around this world , i am also an victim of this non-helping people, i am in a idea of suicide very soon.
Suicide what i think about suicide is a way out of the world hurting people who love you the most but if they loved you they would know how much you hate life. When i say you im talking about me.