“Dear Mom, I love you with all my heart. I just wasn’t meant for this world! I hope I can find a place of peace and happiness, a place I am child enough to live, yet man enough to survive. I love you! I hope you can truly believe me. Maybe on my journey I’ll find Jesus. Pray for me mom. Pray I will find happiness. I hurt so bad inside! I want it all to go away. I want a new beginning. I am not afraid to die mom. I’m just so afraid of tomorrow!
To all my friends and loved ones, I ask of you one last favor: don’t let my spirit die. Remember me for the laughs and the good times, the thrills we all had together. I hope I made a place in all your hearts and touched each and every one of you in a special way. I have chosen to die, but I haven’t chosen to be forgotten. I must find a new world, a world of peace and happiness. I want you all to know I am not afraid to die, only to quit living. I’ll miss you.”
“The survival of the fittest. Adios Unfit.”
“I’m going to put myself to sleep now for a bit longer than usual. Call the time eternity.”
“I have no family and no friends, very little food, no viable job and very poor future prospects. I have therefore decided that there is no further point in continuing my life. It is my intention to drive to a secluded area, near my home, feed the car exhaust into the car, take some sleeping pills and use the remaining gas in the car to end my life.”
“I’m not sure why I’m writing this. I went online to look up information on suicide: statistics, methods and all that stuff. I was raised in a family where I went to church every Sunday and was taught the importance of faith and God in our lives. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t help me. I got hurt… bad… when I was a child. I was hurt in a way that no person, no little child should be hurt. I think about suicide on a daily basis… sometimes it’s all that I can think about. I’ve been hospitalized for attempts before. I’ve been put on medications to help the depression… the mental disorders that doctors are so quick to diagnose. I’m sick of it all. Why should I bother trying anymore? I’m not even afraid of dying. I’m not afraid of pain. I just want to leave this world. Please pray for me. I’m tired of trying.”
“Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool – good luck.”
“I have a feeling I shall go mad. I cannot go on longer in these terrible times. I shan’t recover this time. I hear voices and cannot concentrate on my work. I have fought against it but cannot fight any longer.”
“I must end it. There’s no hope left. I’ll be at peace.”
“If I can’t see my daughter here, I will see her from above…”
“I’m trying to watch TV but I don’t know what I’m watching. It’s so lonely here. I want to sleep but it just won’t come. I’m so tired of hurting and being a lone. I keep thinking about the pills in the cabinet but I’m scared. My head hurts so much from crying but if I take anything for it I’m scared I won’t stop and I would want to stop.”
“I don’t have any choice in the matter. To make everything better I have to die. I can’t make it right by living. I’m so scared I want out but oh I don’t know.”
“I’m so cold, please do something. I can’t stand this empty feeling that I’m having. My head is horrible. Stop the pounding it hurts so much. I have no control over anything in my life. I’m breaking into pieces. Somebody do something.”
“What is a few short years to live in hell. That is all I get around here. No more I will pay the bills. No more I will drive the car. No more I will wash, iron & mend any clothes. No more I will have to eat the leftover articles that was cooked the day before. This is no way to live. Either is it any way to die. Her grub I can not eat. At night I can not sleep. I married the wrong nag-nag-nag and I lost my life.”
“My kisses burn into your soul,
My touch melts upon your skin,
My eyes reflect my misery
Of the darkness deep within,
I am a waste of time,
So now I shall die.”
“The time has come for me to move on. I don’t come to this decision lightly, however, but now that I’m older, I’ve finally realized that there’s a world of difference between living happily ever after and just living ever after. I may seem strong. But I’m not I’m just like anyone else. We can feel pain. We can die. And I won’t be the one to destroy anyone else’s hopes and dreams. Never again.
“I’m sacrificing myself to save the countless many who would have to die if I were to live. It’s a noble cause, I figure. A good reason to die. I like to think you’d agree.”
“So that’s it. That’s me. Leaving the world to be a better place.”
“I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier ’til this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that — everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer. I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been.”
“To my friends: my work is done. Why wait?”
“When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one.”
“”Football season Is over. No more games. No more bombs. No more walking. No more fun. No more swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No fun for anybody. 67. You are getting greedy. Act your old age. Relax, this won’t hurt.”
“Goodbye, my friend, goodbye
My love, you are in my heart.
It was preordained we should part
And be reunited by and by.
Goodbye: no handshake to endure.
Let’s have no sadness — furrowed brow.
There’s nothing new in dying now
Though living is no newer.”
“All fled–all done, so lift me on the pyre;
The feast is over, and the lamps expire.”
“Absolutely no reason except I have a toothache.”
still here
Suicide is not the solution.never be.everyone should face the problem and courage to win it.Allah is our creator and he decide when will we die.
Although I do understand the feeling of that “hazy lost” sort of feeling, there’s no other feeling worse than that…I’ve been there, but that was when i was a younger me
take things day – by – day, get out of that mind set of feeling sorry for yourselves, it may take months, or years, but it all starts with the belief that things will get better
once u make concrete goals and work towards accomplishing them and once u do accomplish them, u will have a sense of purpose and worth, and then u are on the road to recovery
there is hope for everyone, no matter what ur situation, u can take a shitty situation and spin it into a positive one if u really tried, depression is just a state of mind, one that can be cured, i pray that someone took the time to read this, cuz if i stopped someone from killing themselves, then that would really mean a lot to me, im gonna leave people with that though in their heads.
I understand the feelings of wanting to commit suicide, I am going through the same thoughts right now. I am 19 years old and am so sick and tired of people telling me that things will get better… I have been waiting for things to get better for quite a few years now… and nothing has changed. Some may say that I am not trying hard enough to be able to change… but the truth is that I try so hard, every single day, I slap a smile on my face when I really want to cry. I keep moving foward, even though I think I can’t make it through another minute… I can’t keep living life like this, it isn’t a way to live at all. I’m not intentionally trying to hurt any of my loved ones by wanting to die. I am just so miserable and I don’t know how to deal with anything anymore. I can only say i’m sorry so many times, and I can only lie to people so many times before I finally break. I cut myself to ease the pain, but that only lasts for so long before something else happens that I have to cut myself again to ease the pain again. I hate when people stop and stare at me because I have so many scars on my arms. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t even believe I made it this far. It’s time for me to go. I don’t want to be hospitalized for hurting myself anymore. I don’t want to keep hurting my family and friends by the things I keep doing to myself. I want to be free from myself.
Feeling great sadness at reading about peoples situations and suffering and that some of you may have ended your lives already.
I have had depression and suicidal tendencies on and off for about 25 years. Had a few failed attempts which can be pretty embarrassing at the time. Each time it is usually something different that triggers these feelings,Breakup pain, guilt or shame, anger,hopelessness or self hatred. Somehow each time it passes or situations change and life continues sometimes quite wonderfully or just not as badly.You learn to ride the roller-coaster long enough for the scenery to change as it were.One time when feeling suicidal for some time I ate some dodgy looking berries in the thought that they might top me, but they made me chuck for 10 hours strait and afterwards I was completely cured of the depression for quite some time.I highly recommend finding a safe but effective purgative for the purpose, as even chucking up for that time felt better than I had been feeling.
Another time I thought I could not bare the pain any longer I got really pissed off with God and in my anguish I demanded that he show him self if he existed. I got filled with an overwhelming feeling of love and total acceptance,A light filled me up and I found myself expanding into everything, realizing I was one and the same as this universal being as are we all.
So be safely creative and try and ride the wave for as long as you can muster cause you never know what might happen and you learn so much from pain.
May the pain in side expand to embrace all things with such love one cannot imagine.
I’m still a work in progress but I’ve overcome a depression so severe it almost physically killed me, the worse possible mental and emotional torment u could possibly imagine that transitioned into physical pain. I’m not 100% but I’m getting there, please email me if u need a friend to relate to what you’re going thru and I’ll share with u how I’ve been able to get better. [email protected]
I want to die, I want out of this miserable world, I just lost my baby girl I was 6 months pregnant, I tried to kill myself and took more than 50 sleeping pills, didn´t worked out I ended locked up in a psychistric hospital tied up to a bed, yesterday I had a huge fight with my husband he verbally and phisycally abused me he called me crazy, I can´t do this anymore, last time I cut my wrists and my legs I´m on antipressants and antianxiety pills and I took more than twice my dose and nothing happened, I feel worthless, I´m all alone and all I can think about is turning the gas on and that he finds me lying dead on the floor, he makes me want to kill myself, I took more pills today I´m having a glass of vodka hope this time it works
Maybe the reason people don’t manage to help those who are suicidal is because they don’t understand it, and those who do understand it can’t argue against it all that well. The empty platitudes about a temporary problem and a permanent solution are just that. Empty. Some problems are permanent too. It isn’t selfish to kill yourself when every day you live in hell. Its selfish of people to demand you stay. As for me, I’m tired and cold and just want to be forgotten. I have nothing and want nothing. It’s been this way for over a decade. Nothings gotten better, just worse. I wont be here too much longer, but I’ve known that for a while now too. I set my time and when it arrives I’ll be gone.
I am 14 and have thought about it but never have, I have a good life my parents love me, my friends would do anything for me, but I feel empty inside.
i hate my life i look forward to nothin i am 11 and everything i have tried to make work fails i am a failure all together … i am so stupid and i have been beaten multipul times this is stupid of me ..but i dont want to live .. life as we know it just gets harder i am lonely and no one loves me and i am all alone this will be my last seconds of life so goodbye people … And to all of those that read this and think she is self sentered and selfish F*ck off .. i didnt ask for any of this my family is not real my dad beats me and my mom is gone , where ? idk ! ): this is my last desion and its happening now my last seconds are now i am taking sleeping pills now and cutting there is blood everywhere i want nothing else to be gone i am 11 and ending my life i just want to say to all of you i relate at only the age of 11 and truthfully …nvm goodbye everyone ):
On my second suicide attempt, which was almost 10 years ago, I almost died. I’m not exaggerating, the hospital had me hooked up to all sorts of equipment for a few weeks, and in the midst of it I experienced another man’s life.
The experience was so fundamentally real, to the touch, taste, sound, every little detail from a bug crawling across my desk to the wrinkles and ring on my wife’s hand. It felt like many hours before I caught my reflection, I was a wealthy Israeli man in my 70’s with severe disabilities brought on by the damage of a seriously botched suicide attempt.
All around me was old 80’s cream and brown tech, an analogue phone sitting in a coupled modem and a green screen with what looked like a rudimentary chat board. I couldn’t focus on the words. But I could hear the conversations around me, my disappointed wife, my grown-up son and daughter, the daughter’s face so angry it made the hair on my neck prickle.
They continually dragged up my past mistakes until I ran out of apologies and fell silent. I looked out of the window, it was a bare and barren sight, in the distance were small white clay buildings, the only flora and fauna on view were a feeble attempt at a desert garden. At the end of a vast stretch of red sand lay an unfinished pool. I realised there and then that the man I had “occupied” was in the throws of death.
I fell into near coma for days after this dream, only rarely surfacing to consciousness. When I returned everything negative seemed to pale in comparison.
Here’s why I’m still alive 10 years later:-
The love of a good woman
The magical properties of cannabis
A need to create something unique that will somehow justify (in some small way) my time on Earth
The acceptance that the ultimate trip is to know all that is good and bad and yet sit exactly in the centre, of myself and all that makes up existence. Not earth nor the smart monkeys that claim it as their own.
The acceptance that my body is a vehicle, I don’t look after it, but that doesn’t mean I should drive it into a wall.
Dreams (especially lucid ones) save lives every night, talking to beings beyond the corporeal, be they past humans or those that never were, there’s always sound advice if you ask the right questions.
Luck, dumb old luck, stupid and clumsy but eventually rather reassuring in its amateurish ways.
Silence, space and time away from all these other beings who honestly think their bodies mark the limits of their consciousness.
So, hang on a moment, just before you decide to shed the coil, I never saw a tunnel of light, heaven for one person is hell for another. I’ve talked with enough dead people to know the deal beyond here and most of you won’t like it. You won’t like it because you feel so much, so intensely, privately and as an individual, that the nature of the other side (which is just one of many) can be so frustrating you’ll end up back here. And I promise you, if you’re wondering what else is out there, everything and far better than this planet. BUT… big but here….
You, I, and every conscious being on this planet came here to do a job, not to make money or fight wars, or even fix the ecology (put mankind to sleep for 10 years and Earth will fix herself). I’d love to tell you exactly why we’re here but it can’t be simplified into linear constructs, all I can say is that when we’re finished this solar system and the Sagittarius Galaxy will move further towards the galactic centre and we will no longer be slaves to our Simian hardware.
If you want to keep coming back, do whatever pleases you, if you don’t, examine life on a holistic scale, stay centred, learn what YOU need to learn, never formalise that knowledge, just let it breathe and grow and keep as much of it a secret as you can or rather don’t allow others to dilute your focus, your mind, your centre, only your emotional extremities. You won’t need them soon, if you can only learn to lucid dream you can lucid live.
Over the years I have lost friends that were very important in my life. When I was 12 one of my closest friends died of a fever, at 18 my bestfriend died in a fatal car crash, at 28 another close friend, dear like a sister died of cancer. Yet I have so much love around me I cannot help but be grateful. I have always diverted my pain by soaking my self into work. I lost my job recently and now I am in panic mode. I am single and that is adding to my stress. I just want to end it all. The only reason I will not do it is because of the pain it will cause my loved ones. I have been trying to think of ways to commit suicide without it looking like suicide. If I just die, they will be sad and somehow move on. If I kill myself, everyone will wish they did something different and think they could have helped. They will forever blame themselves and will not be able to move on. I know this, my friend’s husband committed suicide. I never want to leave anyone with that pain, but I really want to see what is next.
There was never any more inception than there is now,/ Nor any more youth or age than there is now;/ And will never be any more perfection than there is now,/ Nor any more heaven and hell than there is now…
Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of all poems,/ You shall possess the good of the earth and sun…there are millions of suns left
Walt Whitman. LOTR. Beethoven. Chopin. Mozart. Claude Debussy. Dead Poet Society. Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken. The trees. The sun. Horses grazing in green fields. Dogs rolling in dead animal and stink. Children show that there could be a better future for humans. Twisted evil does not come naturally; there is usually just ignorance,imbalance, and pain first. Real people who have devoted their life to good and are proud of it.
I believe in an absolute truth. That means that there is no need to be afraid of your thoughts because they are part of the truth. Different levels of truth. Don’t be afraid- Learn. Breathe. If you are only afraid of hurting others or not being able to control yourself there are places to go.If you kill yourself the endless shit of the world will not be fixed at all and that most likely has at least some to do with your problem. We have free will and can be better. If there is nothing holding you here I forgive you because I understand completely. I hear you and I will try to remember. I’ve been half sick physically my whole life and miserable a lot of my life and it was only the good fortune of having something good in my life that kept me here and in life. I love everyone who cares that I love them.
There is beauty in the world.
and love.
If you are enduring pain this very second, know that you can endure it for eternity. If you are enduring for good than it’s good and good that your staying for your self or for others.
I’ve always been told that there is light in everyone, goodness. How is it that I feel dead inside? I have the most loving parents imaginable and a partner many would envy. Yet I still feel like death would be a welcome change. I have always felt like there was something broken inside of me, a manufacturer’s error that corrupted my existence. There has been so much joy in my life; I am told that I am healthy attractive and charming. I have been depressed for years and I have never discovered why. I am average. My cards have been very generous in this life. I love my mother and father so very much. The hardest part of this for me is the pain I will cause them in my death. I would use the pistol in my dresser but I don’t want them to remember me as blown to pieces. I could always devour all of the pills in this house but fear that I would be discovered before the deed was done and resuscitated; forced to live the shame that already plagues me. I am ill with the pain of pretending to be happy. Lying to my extended family is one thing but Kirstie my mother and father deserve more. It’s sad but the thing I worry about is the bills that will continue to arrive after my death. Runescape will need to be cancelled, ATT and Best Buy notified. My college loans addressed and that damn chemistry breakage fee resolved. I have no worldly wealth to distribute but everything should go to Kirstie my parents and my wonderful enigmatic brother. Give my discs to Kevin and tell him that he had become my best friend. I am so tired. I would do it tonight if she wasn’t home. I almost wish that I could simply dissolve into nothing. Leave no evidence except for this letter. No one would need to cry, or wonder if they could have helped me. The one thing I don’t want is to add any strain to the ones I love. The best outcome would be for me to die in a secluded public place so that someone like a park ranger or police officer would find me first. I am so very sorry. I wanted to be everything everyone told me I could be. The one thing I find that I cannot be any longer is alive. Mother you are perfect the way you are, beautiful caring and my anchor. Father you are the man I wanted to be, the beacon that lead me through the darkest years. Brother live free and happy, you are the smartest craziest most amazing brother I could have ever dreamed of having (the Xbox is yours, don’t let Kirstie tell you otherwise). Kirstie, mi amor, my bunny, my Brynn. You always deserved better. You deserved the Sidney you met 6 years ago. You should be happy but all I have done for you is cause pain. Move back in with your parents and forget about me. Find someone who will treat you right. I wish you could see how I loved you in my heart. There you would have been happy. Perhaps Nigel you were correct. I was an accident and now it makes so much sense. Mom and dad were only supposed to have one child. I fear that I damaged you as well. You might have been happier if I was never born. No comparisons. I wish I could give those years back to you. However the best I can do is eliminate the future we may have shared. I hope that my Smooth playlist imprints on my soul as it departs my body. It has always made me happy. Live well and long.
I’ve just turned 17, clinically depressed for just over a year. These past two months have pushed me to tipping point. I dropped out of college in december and have no job and only one close friend. I’m treated like shit by people i care about and no one takes me seriously.
I’ve attempted suicide 4 times this month and started cutting myself. Last week I decided this time I’m going to do it properly. this past week i’ve been prepairing to die, A kind of bucket list of stuff i’ve always loved doing, listening to my favourite songs, watching my favourite films, a few spliffs etc.
In a way i had hoped that doing the things i love would have saved me, but that didnt work. Today I am finally ready to do it. My friends been saving for a motorbike for a while now and i’ve given him all my money so he can get one, i said he can pay me back later but i guess that wont matter.
I’m going to take 6 antihistamine tablets, 40 iron supplements whole. After that i’ve crushed another 140 iron supplement and 56 aspirin tablets and mixed it with a bottle of vodka which i’m going to drink, the anti-histamine’s should stop me from throwing it all up.
I know its a sad thing for someone to give up on living but living in a world where people are hated on for being gay or not being a certain religion or being a different skin colour, isnt really worth it.
I am today confessing my deed, myself. All the hopes I have are falling a part one by one. I don’t have anybody to share my feelings. Alone and lost. Like a sailor in the deep ocean without any compus, fighting everyday with the weather, the tides, the storms, who is sailing with the help of sun by the day and starts at night. My thesis is at stake, I am always afraid that my visa decision may come, I couldn’t be a good son, couldn’t be a good brother, couldn’t be a good lover. I didn’t find any job for me till now, I am trying a lot. And, the person I love with all of my existence gives me shit, though I made her the sun and the star of my life and I am trying to find the land with the help of it. Doesn’t matter, people only say about love, but those get washed away who believes in it. Most of the people say, there is no true love …. after going through some bad relationships, but, unfortunately its not love, when somebody becomes a part more than your existence then we can say its a true love. Unfortunately I have loved and got washed away. I have been bullied, called a jerk thousand time by the common friends but if you really love someone, you will compromise even your ego. So, I decided, as long as I am near, I will do things at least to make her comfortable. Its not a scar, its a crack, ha ha ha. I am a jealous guy in this matter, I am not possessive but it hurts like anything when you see your loved one with others, doing the same what you have dreamt about … and you are getting pushed further and further. It happened, onece, happened twice …. I dont know how many more I have to see. But I also decided, all or nothing, if I dont get a job and also success in my thesis, then there will be no more of me. She says, I am self-destructive, she thinks I am a jerk, full of arguments, illogical, …. overall again a jerk, a freak, a weirdo. But unfortunately, I am lying cause I love her, I have become hypocryte cuz I love her, I have to shut my emotions cuz I love her, ….. I have made my goal cuz I love her. I want to say all these thing to her her one day ….. if I get a job here, if I can be on my feet, then I will be on my knees to ask her to be my girl. I wish I could be better in expressing myself that how do I feel for her, one thing I can say is, we all love our lives and for a few person we can even sacrifice our lives, and she is one of them for whom I can sacrifice myself, even my existence. Anyway, this is not the thing right now, may be I am really thinking too much, but this is me, if there will be nothing ….. there will be no more me. People will forget, parents will be very hurt and sad, I hope they will forgive me, I am not too much religious but I believe in GOD, I pray if I have done something good please give those to my loved ones and give me all their sins, anyway I am going to hell. Now days I think I really lived in a fantasy world, I can feel anything anymore, only a stabbing pain in the head, voices are screaming inside my ears, felling drunk without even drinking, cant think much, cant focus, cant do anything right. I know I have done a lot of mistakes, I did wrong to a lot of persons, I just hope that they will forgive me. Once I was like a monument infront of my own eyes, now I am smaller than an ant, I cant find any existence, may be my fantasy world and the real world collided. My own world in breaking down, I am breaking down. Feels like I am drowning deeper and deeper … may be it will become true. Can’t think anymore, needed to say somebody …. its ok. I just pray and hope that everybody in this world may be happy and leave in peace, and true love will come back and people will understand that. Again wrote a lot of nonsense things, may me I am like this. GOD give peace to my soul. If I have the opportunity I will put flowers to my own grave and say, I loved you. I don’t think that there is any afterlife, it there is, then see you over there. Lets see what happens, still I have some hopes, I want to live badly and I love her.
realy heart touching notes
Suicide is only a temporary solution to a problem…Well, that’s what all those folks say :/
It’s “a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Folks are full of SHIT. And so am I. And so is almost everything.
I think suicide should be legal and they should allow us to buy pentobarbitol, instead of having to blow your brains out with a legal and easy-to-get shotgun, which is baloney. If I wrote a note though it would be 100x better than all these retard ones.
funny how google helped me to get a perfect sucidal note am not that dumb to write just been empty from inside i have a few rejrets and appologies good bnye selfish world
God, after reading those notes, I feel so much PAIN. Going through so much right now, so much that I as one person cannot handle it. I can just feel my heart physically hurting by this very thought and my stomach churning every single time I think of suicide or even come close to do it.
I’m seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist and now possibly a specialist. It’s hurting so much. Every night I pray that I never wake up and there’s that same dreadful feeling I’m getting each time I do wake up.
listin everyone who thinks about suicide. i am 15 and ik what its like pain dont hurt me. i wanna die a pinfull death bc i feel worthless and a disapointment to everyone. I cut myself everynight to feel the pain you can count my scars from when i found out i had depression tilll now till the end of my life and ppl will know how much pain i was in. i am making a website and i want all of you to email me plz about your suicide stories. i wanna help ik how it feels and its not the greats feeling in the world. ppl who think suicide is awesome and funny and a joke its not. take it from someone who woke up in a hospital . of you are interested in helping with my website ask for the email thank you for your time
I have tried to kill myself 35 or 40 times. The last time I swallowed 40 Vicandin. And drank half a gallon of orange juice. I have hung my self. I have slit my wrist. W.T.F. I never want to own a gun. I am not crazy. I am like most of us. I just hurt. W.T.F. I am in Los Angeles. I wanna go blow my brains out. It is 1:15 A.M. No good. The sun will come up in 5 hrs. In that Time I am sure some one in America. Will have done it. W.T.F.
I have tried to kill myself 35 or 40 times. The last time I swallowed 40 Vicadin. And drank half a gallon of orange juice. I have hung my self. I have slit my wrist. W.T.F. I never want to own a gun. I am not crazy. I am like most of us. I just hurt. W.T.F. I am in Los Angeles. I wanna go blow my brains out. It is 1:15 A.M. No good. The sun will come up in 5 hrs. In that Time I am sure some one in America. Will have done it. W.T.F.
I feel in love once with a dude thats already dead. If I die will I be able to see him.
i wanna die,plz help me,i dnt wanna cry anymore…:’-(
shouldn’t it not be suicide. shouldn’t it be death by life. oh no death by auto accident, death by murder, oh lost death by life. I am so f— tired and cold. Carroll there’s no way to tell so I wouldn’t do anything rash. I’m sorry. Crossman your story is terrifying and horrifying. wtf. children on a site like this might as well walk through an open casket grave yard. life is so sad. damn it. I haven’t changed my mind about anything I said earlier but I am worried I’m going crazy and I can’t go to a psychologist and the whole drug idea I find 10 times worse than anything. i already have to take pills for medical conditions. I hate myself. It’s like you go around and you think good and evil are real but something you come across. But really they get in you. Like if you’re in pain the evil gets inside you. And then it either drives you mad, tries to kill other parts of you, or possesses you with anger. Missing people you’ve never met, people killing themselves, people crying, people murdering and they’re all like oh why don’t you take some damn pills don’t you want to be happy? Because it’s a crime if you don’t. And then you might think OK. OK. so I want something to be worth being miserable about. There is something to be fought here. There are people that need to be helped. and you think you need to fight whatever is that makes everyone like this. The urge to cut yourself and say HELLO DO YOU SEE THIS. I am so scared damn it. It’s like someone tells you no this is ok and you don’t have the words to describe what it is that is not ok but you know something is wrong. The part can never be well unless the whole is well- plato. and everything’s going in and out because everything is cause and effect but the people who actually care about what is happening are generally broken. And sure the broken can be fixed but there is no rest for the weary because the weary have seen it and what are you supposed to do. Some things don’t leave you. I am so pissed at most of the world and it doesn’t make sense. I am so scared that I’m going to die or go crazy because i learned when I was younger that there was good and I’m a fighter and I want to do something but I’m scared and stupid and alone now. Nobody wants to talk about what it is that can be fixed for everyone because happiness is now supposed to be the means and the ends to life. Let’s dance on the edge of death because our lives are short and then they’ll be gone. But that could only be true if you hated man kind. You ask someone would you want a child to suffer on the other side of the world that you’d never met and they say no which shows that man kind is more than being as happy as you possibly can. There could be something more. It could be better. But what once you realize the hell are you supposed to kill yourself trying to fight for what you know could have been possible? could learn to enjoy the fight.People raised by their parents like sheep led into a slaughter house. I don’t know what to do. I am scared I’m crazy, I love everybody, I want to do something, I’m broken, and I don’t trust anybody. I will listen to everything people say but trusting blindly what they are saying is nothing is not ok. I’m so scared. Everything is such a disaster. I don’t know who I am because everybody sees me differently and nobody sees me as I see myself. I am so scared. I feel like this is just rambling and who would care. I’m not any good. shitttttt.
I’m 18. I know things are not that bad for me and i have too many good things to quit but the only way to describe how I live is hell. I am in pain and everything is a cycle to rally and then grow tired and rally again. I wanted to be a writer. believe in beauty. female. I have a horse who is why i think there is good. he used to be abused and is BEAUTIFUL. I have worked my whole life to afford him. I have auto immune health problems and feel sick a lot of the time. I live alone. I start at college next quarter, have scholarships a job and I’m undecided. I’m miserable a lot and alone. I don’t know what to do. I guess places like this are the only place to ask because this would be my peers right? People who feel like dying,think about what people say when they’re dying, are dying, or want to help people. NONE OF THIS is a good example of my writing either. bit upset… anyone? sorry for rambling. god i hope nobody reads this that i know idk if they’ll know it’s me
none of this seems real
I really just need to get a grip
Sometimes I think in a world of things gone right and wrong it’s always one thing that went wrong or one thing that went right and everything else just kind of goes out from there. Things could be absolutely horrible but if you have the one thing it’s fine or you’re life could be perfect but if somethings wrong you can’t live it. and it’s not always easy to know what it is that happened. but I’m not sure. maybe just sometimes
please disregard everything I’ve written here.sorry. will not post on internet ever again sometimes I go crazy. good luck everyone!
Having servived all of my suicide attempts. It seems to be a bummer. I have over come so much. But we still feel the pain of yesterday. We still live in the pain of today. And we still feel the fear of TOMORROW. It is wedsnday. 3:00 p.m. I have had a good day. I am broke but God will change that. I hope that we all can come together one way or another. If any one would like to email me. Please do. It is ([email protected]) I feel that together we can comfort each other more. Amen
this page is cathartic. going through a tough time. that’s when these thoughts come back. when my exit strategy is the most alluring choice i can make. i don’t want to hit the big button but oh, I do.
i don’t deserve to live and i know that feeling makes no sense. it sucks being secretly insane. especially when people think you’re the most level-headed person in the room. not helpful.
thank you for having a space for us types to gather.
I’m only 13 and wishing my life away. i have tried but got to scared if there was a god then i wouldnt have been born. i hate this life but only have one solution….to die i am wondering wich is easyer and less messy i feel for those i will leave behind but they are not aloud to cry because they had almost 14 years to cry for my pain already but they ignored me. this isnt something i have copied this is how i feel.
yours soon to not exist Millie. X O X O X
I feel there is no hope. many of you may think this is just another coment but… no. i cant do any of this anymore. after reading these i feel the pain more deeply then ever befor. good bye.
wow reading all of these has me wondering who on here has really committed suicide?
well i think about it every single day i hate my life and wish i had made better choices.. i have a dead end job where im appreciated but only taken advantage of. i have 3 kids that i love and bf that i love.. but then again i dont even love myself so how could i love anybody else rt? i constantly think of many ways of doing it. Like jumping off a cliff into the ocean but then what if i just hurt myself and not die and then i will be embarrassed and humiliated or take pills but what if that doesnt work life seriously sux and i feel like i cant go on anymore and still thinking of an easy way i hope i come up with something soon
Almost 24 and nowhere close to finishing my college degree. I hate myself for being too lazy to do the things i KNOW i need to do to succeed. I keep wrecking my college career with the same pathetic lack of dedication. I have parents who care, I’m smarter than most people, have some cash in the bank, an ok pt job, what’s my excuse? I’m sick of wanting to avoid everything more that I want success. The small fulfillment I get in completing a task rarely offsets the angst I went through to do it. I’m sick of being desperately lonely yet never enjoying friendships. I see all these young, sexy, motivated people around me with networks of friends and a vision for their future. And I realize that’s not ever going to be me and my youth is slipping away. Sometimes I resent the fact my parents are still alive because without them I wouldn’t feel too guilty escape what’s going to be an unfulfilling life. I’ve tried more than a few psych meds to little effect. Even as an atheist I realize what a privilege it is to be alive, and to be alive in this era, and in the first world no less, but I’m sick of things never FEELING okay.
Hey,
I recently lost two teenage friends. Both committed suicide and both were the friendliest and most living kids. If you need help, email me [email protected] I have several people who love talking to me becuase I’m patient, caring and listen. dont be shy!!
I lost a friend to suicide on feb 19. I feel a tremendous amount of agony. I have nightmares, my heart aches- simply put I miss her. It will be one month tomorrow. Please, reach out for help, I desperately wish she would of, because she has no idea how many people loved, care and miss her dealrly. You don’t think about those things, because there is a cloud of somethign else that takes over, but there are people that love you and need you in their lives.
All i have left is memories of all the fun times. and I wish so badly to have many more.
I put the revolver in my mouth, point up and squeeze the trigger.
I blink once, twice. Open my eyes fully. Im standing in the middle of a desert, sand for miles, orange tinted and dusk sky. Nothing else but this desert as far as the eye can see. Then, he appears from behind me. Or should I say me. I am wearing nice clothes and smiling, my face is not red and blotchy from tears. He steps closer and greets me, “hey mate”. “Am I dead? Where am I?” I ask him.
“You just ate a Smith and Wesson lead sandwich, yeah, you are pretty dead.” he replied. “I guess I should explain” he says. But first, he pulls out a carton out cigarettes, seemingly from nowhere and passes me one. I am hesitant to smoke, and he notices “look, you are dead. One cigarette will not do you much harm”. He is right. So I place the cigarette in my mouth and it lights by itself.
Be breathes out a cloud of smoke. “In the lingering moments before you die your brain releases the DMT chemical, dream chemical… and well, that is where I come in.” I interrupt him there “I remember… I read that some where” and to this he says “yeah, you are about to remember alot”.
“Remember your girlfriend Elisa? You remember the way she used to hold you after a hard day? Remember how soft her lips were when she kissed you?” he said looking me dead in the eye. “Oh fuck… why did I do it…” I responded, with a heavy sinking feel in my stomach and ball in my throat. “You remember your buddy Ryan? You remember drinking with him? You remember cruising with him along the coast?” he adds.
“Bloody hell!” I scream, the regret was like a puppy pulling on the leg of my trousers, begging for attention. “Do you remember your parents? They were good to you. You remember the parties? Getting drunk? You remember getting stoned with Connor? You remember all the good things?” he added almost condescendingly. “Fuck! Just stop!” I screamed at him. There was a brief silence. “You, or rather, we, had forgotten about all this, hadn’t we?” he said. It hit like a ton of bricks. I let all the crap in my life over whelm me. I had completely forgotten about everything good about my life.
He moved closer and spoke softly. “Do you remember your first girlfriend? Do you remember hanging out with her and you guys friends? All that crazy shit you got up to.” I smiled and shook my head lightly “heh, yeah, I must have been what? 13?” I said rather awkwardly, feeling not so angry at him now. “and do you remember, how much you cried, when she broke up with you?” he said laughing. I laughed heartily “God damn, I was such a little bitch.”
“Hey, do you remember when you were four? I sure as heck remember this, but you seem to have forgotten over the course of your life. Do you remember how you used to get night terrors? Faces would come out of the walls, and every night your Mother would come and comfort you when it happened, until they went away. And do you remember when you were six? You were getting picked on alot at school but you had the one tough friend who would always shoo the bullies away.”
I was flabbergasted. All these good memories flooding back to me, regret struck deep with in me. I was 19 and I gave up because life had seemed hopeless. I had lost my job, I had hundreds of dollars worth of over due bills, I did not have enough money to keep myself fed, I had started cutting myself like some kind of angsty high school kid and I am pretty convinced Elisa was getting tired of my presence anyway. It is not like I could do much for her. But all these good memories, just coming back to me, making me wish I had stayed and tried.
“It’s okay man. You are not the only person to let pressure get the better of him and take the permanent way out.” he said. “Hey, listen, before you go permanently there is something you should know.” he added. “I was there for you when you cried, my eye lashes would dry your tears, I would use feelings to tell you what you needed and let you know what had to be done when no one else could help you. I laughed with you when something was funny, even if no one else could see the humour in it and thought you were weird. In short, I, your body, was always there for you.”
I did not know what to say. “Thanks… I guess…” I said. And he just laughed and shook his head. “So, what happens next?” we both looked to the left and noticed on the horizon, the desert was no longer visible, there was just pitch black and it was moving slowly closer like a desert sand storm. “Well, I don’t really know. I only know as much as you, I am just a trick of your mind to prepare you for your fate.” he responded. “But I guess you are going in there.” he said motioning with his head towards the black mass which was beginning to gain on us.
“Well, so long partner.” he said, reaching his hand out. I clasped it firmly and shook his hand. “Thanks again mate.” I said. “Don’t mention it, thanks for animating me. Oh and one more thing before I go.” He motioned with his hand, and suddenly Elisa appeared, and just like that, he was gone.
I ran straight over to her and hugged her as hard as I could, and she returned the favour, her arms embraced tight around my necked and shoulders. “I am so sorry, I wish I had not given up like that. I love you, I do, it is just–” she cut me off “shhhh. It’s okay baby. I love you too.” She wrapped her arms tightly around my mid section and pressed her head firm against my chest. I pulled her in as tight as I could and kissed her on the forehead, one last time, before the black mass consumed us both, together.
Where ever I went next, I am just happy I could take her with me, she will forever be a part of who I am.
I put the revolver in my mouth, point up and squeeze the trigger.
I blink once, twice. Open my eyes fully. Im standing in the middle of a desert, sand for miles, orange tinted and dusk sky. Nothing else but this desert as far as the eye can see. Then, he appears from behind me. Or should I say me. I am wearing nice clothes and smiling, my face is not red and blotchy from tears. He steps closer and greets me, “hey mate”. “Am I dead? Where am I?” I ask him.
“You just ate a Smith and Wesson lead sandwich, yeah, you are pretty dead.” he replied. “I guess I should explain” he says. But first, he pulls out a carton out cigarettes, seemingly from nowhere and passes me one. I am hesitant to smoke, and he notices “look, you are dead. One cigarette will not do you much harm”. He is right. So I place the cigarette in my mouth and it lights by itself.
Be breathes out a cloud of smoke. “In the lingering moments before you die your brain releases the DMT chemical, dream chemical… and well, that is where I come in.” I interrupt him there “I remember… I read that some where” and to this he says “yeah, you are about to remember alot”.
“Remember your girlfriend Elisa? You remember the way she used to hold you after a hard day? Remember how soft her lips were when she kissed you?” he said looking me dead in the eye. “Oh fuck… why did I do it…” I responded, with a heavy sinking feel in my stomach and ball in my throat. “You remember your buddy Ryan? You remember drinking with him? You remember cruising with him along the coast?” he adds.
My sister committed suicide 21 years ago. She had made a couple of attempts before. She was full of despair. I have had suicidal thoughts as long as I can remember, and my memory is long, usually several times a day. I have not made any attempts though I have put an awful lot of thought into it. If I were not a father, even though my son is now an adult, I would have followed my sister long ago. Life is really not sacred. Nor is there any sense in living an entirely meaningless life with little to no connection with others and no hope of improvement. The Japanese once admired those who, having shamed themselves, their family, their society took their lives. Not all cultures have always believed that taking one’s life is wrong. Is it not more wrong to hang out in misery, sucking resources that more vibrant individuals could put to better use, offering nothing to society or one’s self? Though it won’t be tonight and it may not be tomorrow night it will be one of these nights.
To, “Who Am I Kidding”,You ARE NOT ALONE! I completely understand what you’re going through. I’ve had similar issues. Floating through college aimlessly, constantly shooting myself in the foot by making the same mistake over and over again. Another semester wasted. Why do I bother? Why are my parents STILL supporting me? Why is everyone around me so happy? So full of hope, life and direction. It feels as though you’ll NEVER graduate let alone find a job in this economy. But trust me, you will IF it’s what you really want. If you don’t truly want that degree, then it’s not worth it. That doesn’t mean you’re a failure or that you won’t ever be financially successful in life. There are so many different opportunities that don’t involve college but DO equal success. (vocational training for example) I finally did graduate and I never thought the day would come. I wasted close to 2 years by being a lazy bum who never went to class or handed in the work. So trust me, it is possible for you to be happy. I think you really need to think about what YOU want. Not what your parents or society is telling you, you need.
Warmest Regards..
I am 14 years old and iv had enough of life everyday i have to fight through its so hard i really want to die but im afraid it will hurt my family what do i do?
I don’t even know why I’m commenting, maybe I just want someone to relate to. I’m almost 15, and I’m basically the black sheep in my family. They’re all christians, but I’m an atheist, my parents don’t like any gays, and I’m bi. I get this crushing pain in my chest, and all I want to do is end it all. I’ve actually started cutting, and I try to keep it all inside. And I can’t even go to anyone for this. I’ve got two friends that enjoy life and wouldn’t understand, and my family always accuses me of just wanting attention. I just don’t know what to do. One time my family had started insulting me, and I had started crying. No apologies were offered, only laughter at my expanse. I remember when my grandfather died. My family (besides me) was only sad for a week, then just seemed to forget about him. We don’t even visit his grave! I can’t forget about him though, about when he used to babysit my siblings and I, or when he picked me up from nursery school with candy. I’m sick and tired of just breathing. If my family can forget about him so easily, then they’ll do so with me when I am gone. I pretty much was cooped up in my room when I wasn’t at school anyways.